What would be the animal qualities humans would like to have?

wondering what would be the animal qualities that most normal people and I would like to have as human beings. Well, certainly the strength of elephants — or ants (relatively speaking) — would be nice. Then, you could throw your neighbour’s giant SUV through his drawing room window the next time he parked it in front of your gate. As for eyes, well, the day vision of vultures or eagles, and the night vision of the big cats or geckos. You could winkle out couples in “compromising positions” from 10 km away, day or night. The hearing of an owl would come in handy, too, for you could eavesdrop on their illicit sweet nothings and later, blackmail them and complain to appropriate, moral authorities.

It would be wonderful to have the sense of smell of a great white shark (they can sniff out a single drop of blood in an ocean of water) or even a bloodhound, but this could be a mixed blessing. I mean these days, everyone who thinks they’re anyone is farting 24X7, long and loud (especially on TV talk shows), and with a heightened sense of smell, it would be an overwhelming olfactory experience to say the least.

To have the acceleration of a cheetah (0-100 kmph in just about 2 seconds, take that Ferrari) would be great, but only if coupled with the stamina of wolves, so you can keep up that pace all day. No point running out of gas in 250 m while being chased by enraged lovers you’ve been spying on with your eagle eyes and owl’s ears. Add to this the radar of bats, so you don’t crash into a tree while fleeing, as well as the homing instinct of a pigeon, so you can get home safely.

As for looks, well, this is subjective, but we’re certainly one of the few living creatures where, by and large, the girls are far better looking than the guys (admittedly, I could be prejudiced here). So for guys, birds of paradise and tropical fish could serve as good role models.

From looks to love-life — most men these days would love to emulate the love lives of walruses, wild asses and baboons who spend their time kicking their rivals’ teeth in or slashing them to ribbons with tusks and collecting enormous harems. And most girls these days would tearfully yearn for the love life of the mantis or black widow where they can literally chew up their suitors’ brains to pulp during the honeymoon itself and be rid of the nuisance thereafter.

There is, however, one area where we surpass the animal kingdom — and no, it’s not intelligence (which we will deal with shortly). The ability of octopuses and chameleons to change colour and blend with their background is astonishing, but hey, our politicians have gone far beyond that and surely are the leaders in the field. Those naïve animals do it to hide or hunt; politicians do it to rip us off and rule the world.

As for intelligence, I doubt any other living thing thinks we have any. For which other living creature has devised ways by which they can destroy themselves (and every other living thing), totally and permanently a million times over?

Well, I guess we can only envy cockroaches.

Ranjit Lal is an author, environmentalist and bird watcher