A different get-together

But the Bohri community has found a wonderful solution to this with their system of Menij. Zeenat and Niloufer Poonawalla, who are both part of a Menij, give us an insight into this custom. As Niloufer informs us, a Menij is a group of ladies or girls (and yes, even men/boys can be part of a Menij). They usually number around ten or eleven or sometimes more or less.

They are usually of approximately the same age and share common interests. Finding that they get along well together, they form a well-knit group and assemble once a month, taking turns to host the party in each of their homes. Like a kitty you might say – well almost. That little extra thing is an intangible bond, a strong sense of belonging and of rendering help which is the key feeling in a Menij.

Zeenat is not quite sure of the actual origin of the word, but feels that it probably began with the English word `manage.’ Managing a social group like this probably gradually got incorporated into Menij. “It originated from the basic human instinct to group together or as a social leverage. The Bohris from Gujarat are a close knit group, but when they spread out they sometimes found it difficult to mix freely with other communities. In a sea of other communities, whenever they faced their job or social problems, they needed someone to whom they could confide and unburden their problems. That was the beginning of the Menij.”

She continues that, “Since young girls or even married ladies did not go out much, they needed some entertainment at home and hence the formation of these peer groups. The members are usually of the same age level and are called sayyo or saheli. They share their secrets with each other. When a girl was married, her sayyos would sit around her, dress her up and generally do masti and chher-chhar with the bridegroom’s party. She could share her secrets with her sayyos, unburden her fears or doubts about the marriage or any occasion and they would also be the ones to advise her or lend her support. This was a group where you could be yourself.”

“An important and serious side about it is that this group is the first one you turn to for help in times of trouble. When one of our group members lost her husband, we would take turns to go to her house and spend the day with her. According to our custom a lady is confined to the house for almost four and half months in such a situation. Hence the need of company to cheer one up and who else does one turn to but the members of one’s Menij,” states Niloufer emphatically.

Other than that, each Menij meets once a month, taking turns to host the party. The entire day is spent in merry-making. They usually arrive around noon and are first greeted with a cold drink and a sweet. Then they play games, cards and daddu (a sort of traditional chess) being the most popular. When hunger pangs strike, they troop in for lunch. This is the highlight of the day. Not only is it elaborate with a huge array of dishes, but the main idea is to sit together around an enormous common thaal and share the food. Biryani of course is a must, accompanied by salads, fried dishes such as cutlets, piquant sauces and chutneys, meat preparations and a special kadi-chawal made in coconut milk. After the heavy repast more games follow and only after partaking of tea do the members’ thoughts turn homewards.

Sometimes mothers ensure that their children form a part of a Menij and such groups are known to continue even after marriage well into old age. This is a happy state indeed with a group of childhood friends with whom one can interact without any inhibition. Some groups form after marriage in the new place one has settled in. Sometimes like-minded couples too form a menij. “Even many of the men in the villages used to follow this custom,” reveals Zeenat. “They would go to the city to work, but when they came back, they would meet at a bangli without their women-folk and have a good time.”

In this age when one is so preoccupied with self, it is indeed a wonderful thing if such a sweet custom manages to survive.