I don't like this one bit. This proposal to end a time-honoured and widely-respected practice that has given our nation some of its most exciting, stirring, exhilarating, fun-filled moments could only be the handiwork of some dangerous deshdrohi, some sanctimonious prig suffering from a liver disorder and an itchy scalp. It is the time for all good men and women of courage and conviction, not to speak of vision and re-vision, to step forward and put an end to this dangerous move designed to do away with defections.This column is really a lament for the soon-to-be-lost charms of two of the most charismatic characters Indian politics has ever showcased. No, I am referring neither to Mahatma Gandhi nor Jawaharlal Nehru; neither to Indira Gandhi nor Atal Behari Vajpayee; neither to Shotgun Sinha nor Trishul Togadia; nor indeed those remarkable twins, Maya and Jaya. The reference is to those two honourable gentlemen whose tireless exertions have raised the value of Indian politics, not to speak of individual MPs or MLAs. They have ensured through their exemplary spirit of enterprise and restless movement that politicians are bankable commodities. That short of listing them on the Bombay Stock Exchange, they can be bought and sold like any other commodity depending on market conditions.So who are these eminences, these exceptional men (and women) upon whose backs governments have risen and fallen? They are none other than the venerable and invulnerable Aya Ram and Gaya Ram, whose legendary comings and goings are now the stuff of political legend. Have you for a moment considered what banishment from the political arena of these free floating bodies, these super mobile republics, would mean?Consider the skills of Indira Gandhi. In the first three years of her rule, she engineered over a thousand cases of party defections — on one occasion an entire state government came over to her ranks. Then who can forget P V Narasimha Rao? He headed a minority government at the start of his term and ended up five years later with a clear majority. Also recall the time when Shankarsing Vaghela’s tour operating skills first caught the nation’s eye. By stuffing MLAs into chartered vehicles and spiriting them away to an enthralling holiday destination, he proved to the world that there’s nothing like beer, biryani and a ministerial berth to ensure undying political loyalty — for the moment.Many others, in Manipur and Goa, Jharkhand and Chhattisgarh, have fine-tuned the Vaghela Plan Of Action. Mayawati, for instance, has been known to pack her A-Rams and G-Rams as tightly as possible into Ambassador cars and then take the entire cavalcade for a spin around Lucknow in order to prove her majority. Her bete noire, Kalyan Singh, preferred to lure potential A-Rams through the irresistible mix of wheels-and-deals. He ensured that anyone willing to cross floors would be immediately rewarded with a fancy car and a ministership — even if it as minister in charge of flying kites. As for Vilasrao Desmukh, he once hit upon the glorious stratagem of defeating the Shiv Sena’s predatory raids on his flock by breaking them into several batches and airlifting them to various friendly Congress-ruled territories, free from outside contamination.Now think of how completely colourless, how utterly boring, how terribly predictable, how pathetically pedestrian, Indian politics will be with defections being so summarily ended. Also, spare a thought for our poor A-Rams and G-Rams. No more free meals, no more impromptu holidays, no more horse-trading, no special offers flowing in simultaneously over four different cellphones, and no more of sitting on the fence while keeping one’s ear to the ground. It’s truly tragic to bid adieu to Gaya Ram knowing that no Aya Ram waits in the wings.
