Child’s Play

‘‘It’s not me that buys him these things; I’m immune to the kid’s charms and tricks,’’ says Kakar with a hearty chuckle. (Yet a few days earlier Kakar had admitted to giving in). He adds, ‘‘This boy is so sweet and cunning that he leaves relatives and guests — especially female company — gushing with his ‘cute act’. He’s so convincing that he gets them to keep buying him these silly figures. Doesn’t he have you by a leash?” It’s true; most kids today are so savvy that if they want something, they know exactly how to lovingly whip their parents and relatives into acquiescence. Techniques may range from emotional blackmail to temper tantrums, cajoling to manipulation — but the fact is an increasing number of parents are easily succumbing to the relentless Pester Power their kids wield.

Whether they insist on branded threads, finger-sized Nokias, or outlandish birthday parties (a South Mumbai mother recently flew a group of her child’s friends to Hong Kong for his special day), few kiddie demands go unmet and all requests are considered. What’s remarkable is that this trend is not confined to the wealthy elite but extends to large sections of the middle-class.

Of the 3,218 children recently surveyed by Cartoon Network as part of a 14-city study, 72 per cent said that it was deeply important to have the ‘‘freedom to do what I want’’. The study also revealed that a growing number of parents are allowing their kids to take consumer decisions traditionally made by family elders. For example, 81 per cent of surveyed mothers said when their kids want chocolate they either buy it themselves or direct their parents to make the purchase. With 7-14 year olds comprising a third of our population, business can’t stop smacking its lips. And TV advertisers, especially on kid channels, love talk- ing to these young consumers. Apart from helping kids part with their pocket money, marketeers are well aware of the Pester Power phenomenon, hence the deluge of ads for big ticket products, such as cars on kiddy channels (Cartoon Network tells its advertisers that 32 per cent of kids accompany their parents to buy a car, implying that kids play a role in the decision-making process).

It’s remarkable how Indian children have gained this kind of clout in a conservative society that has traditionally wagged its long finger at parents who pampered their kids. Pop psychology points to the spurt in dual-income households, the fact that families now have fewer children, and working parents’ guilt about not being at home more often. Family psychologist Anjali Chabria feels that ‘‘parents try to give their kids opportunities they didn’t get when they were young. Parents try to live vicariously through their kids and make up for many of their own short-comings.” Couples in unhappy marriages use children as pawns in their fights, showering them with gifts to gain favour, she adds.

“Parents want whatever little time they spend with their kids to be pleasant and tantrum-free, so they give in to the child’s demand,” says psychiatrist, Dr Harish Shetty. For marketeers, the strategy of using kids to inform and influence parents’ consumer decisions seems to be paying off. Five-year-old Abhyuday Saxena’s parents were recently shopping around for a car. ‘‘We had planned on buying a Fiat Palio, but Ab (as his family calls him) loved the Wagon R commercial and was so keen on having it, we thought let it be,’’ says his mother Dr Pikee Saxena, a gynaecologist. She also says that her son insists on eating at McDonald’s at least once a month so he can collect all the free toys that complement Kiddy meals.

‘‘Kids are so attached to these meals that busy parents know that by bringing their children to McDonald’s they can appease them and compensate for being largely absent,’’ says Mudra’s creative director Anup Chitnis, the brain behind McDonald’s advertising campaign. What really boosts McDonald’s’ bottomline is the fact that parents tend to snack away themselves while accompanying their kids.

For the last decade, television has been the most powerful advocate for the bling-bling lifestyle among the young. On Saloni Gupta’s 13th birthday her parents indulged a bit and bought her a DJ package as a birthday gift. For those in the dark, a DJ comprises a dance floor, flashing lights embedded in the floor, a collection of disco balls, a smoke machine and of course, a DJ — all in the privacy and familiarity of home. The party cost Rs 2 lakh. So what prompted this extravagance? Saloni explains, ‘‘Just before my birthday I was watching Sonali Bendre’s Kya Masti Kya Dhuum, and saw the type of DJ they had; I was fascinated by it and when mom asked me what I want for my birthday, I told her.’’ Probe a little and she continues, ‘‘It wasn’t just because I wanted something expensive but because I love dancing and since I’m not old enough to go out, my parents brought the nightclub to me.’’

Child psychiatrist, Dr Henal Shah makes the case that children of today are confronting a new world with new rules, where they are required and taught to be more assertive, more independent and to make choices. ‘‘The ‘Children should be seen but not heard’ maxim is anathema today; the emphasis is on the individual child, meeting its needs, ensuring it develops a strong sense to self-worth,’’ she says. She adds, ‘‘Teaching your child how to make choices is good, after all life is about making decisions; but parents should ensure that the child learns to take ‘no’ for an answer. Not everything goes your way and teaching a child to confront rejection is possibly the most important lesson parents can impart.’’ Yet the bliss of instant gratification has most urban kids hooked already. ‘‘I’m concerned my five-year-old son won’t learn the value of things we give him,’’ says Pavitra Rajaram, who works as a designer for a trendy lifestyle store.

‘‘Kids today have extremely low attention spans, get quickly fed-up with their latest plaything and move onto the next demand.’’ Her son Madhav, a nature buff, desperately wants a television in his own room. ‘‘TVs are like toothbrushes, everyone should have their own,’’ pleads the young Mumbai resident who has seen a drastic reduction in his TV-time, what with his banker dad, Vikram, glued to the cricket and refusing to relinquish control over the remote. For the last seven weeks Madhav has been forced to skip his favourite shows on the Animal Planet channel and his cleverly-reasoned protests have borne fruit: he has convinced his parents that he needs his own little telly. ‘‘We had to give in finally; he’s been so persuasive,” says his mother. She adds, ‘‘But by giving into his demand, we’re hoping he’ll stop begging us to buy a rattlesnake, his dream pet!’’

(With inputs from Astha Gupta in Delhi )