Commentary is not what it used to be; where are the Grays and Tylers?

There's something special about English football commentators. When it comes to football matches, English commentators -- television and ...

There’s something special about English football commentators. When it comes to football matches, English commentators — television and radio — are simply the best. Crisp, humorous, insightful, analytical. They know the game; they know the players; and they know all the anecdotes. I’ve grown up as, I’m sure, have many readers of this column listening to Saturday Special on the BBC and the commentary of Peter Jones, Alan Green, Bryon Butler, Jimmy Armfield, Mike Hill, Alan Parry… Each had their own style. Green had a sense of humour and an Irish brogue, Butler was dry and laconic, but Peter Jones was the favourite. Emotional, excitable, he was that ideal commentator who took you to the pitch.

Why am I going on about this? Because I’m yet to recover fully from the rude shock I’ve received over the past fortnight while watching football on ESPN (a high point of the week). It began with the Premiership telecast, made its way to Champions League matches and now covers the weekly Premiership review as well.I’m talking, of course, about ESPN’s Hindi transponder.

It began with the Spurs-Manchester United match a fortnight ago. Once I’d got over the initial horror, I watched the match with sound on. Soon, though, the commentary began to grate. The commentator knew his facts, that’s for sure; he was comfortable with his work, though sometimes spoke too much. But there was none of the wit, no anecdotes, no cross-references that the English commentators provide. It’s not a racist thing; I think even the American commentators sound odd, especially when they refer to `PKs’ and the number of `plays’.

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I guess there’s a reason for this: The attraction of English football lies as much in what happens off the field up in the stands, in the boardrooms, in the tabloids as on it. The fans, with their witty, often off-the-cuff chants, take the sport to another level. There’s a battle of words going on in the terraces that’s as emotional and passionate as anything on the pitch. When Chelsea were beating Man United to apulp a few weeks ago, Chelsea fans sang `Can we play you every week’; Roy Keane fans have a special chant for him to the tune of `Hey Jude’. And so on.

The point is, only those who’ve been there, done that, can talk about it. No hassles watching cricket with Hindi commentary; the commentators are usually people who’ve played the game at the highest level. But for football, can we have Martin Tyler and Andy Gray back, please?

It seems those who want to watch sports other than cricket (and, surprise, surprise! there are some) have nothing but hope to live on. My own experiences still send my BP shooting up; the cable operator where I live would regularly shuffle ESPN and Star Sports around, taking off one, then the other depending on which channel was showing live cricket and leaving me a mass of nerves come Saturday evening.

I received a letter via e-mail from a Pune reader there whose cable guy has taken off ESPN and replaced it with Setmax, which shows cricket ad nauseam. No amount of pleading workedand he’s now petitioning the colony big-wigs.

MONEY ISN’T EVERYTHING

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PART 1: Pity poor AC Milan. Two goals scored against them in the last two minutes on Wednesday sent them to the bottom of their group — which included such powers as Galatasaray and Hertha Berlin in the Champions League and out of European football for the rest of the season. Not long ago, they were THE team to beat. A little farther back, in the days of Baresi, Gullit, Rijkaard and Van Basten, you couldn’t even think of beating them. Thoug they won the Serie A last year, and are still powered by the millions spent by owner Silvio Berlusconi, there obviously something rotten.

MONEY ISN’T EVERYTHING, PART 2: If Berlusconi thinks he has problems, Blackburn owner Jack Walker could tell him a thing or two. Walker — who has spent, relatively speaking, as much as Berlusconi — has just sacked his manager, the affable, but ultimately ineffective, Brian Kidd. Many thought Kidd had gone starkers when he left ManUnited — where he was Alex Ferguson’s trusted and respected assistant — to take up the Blackburn job 11 months ago. In those 11 months he spent Å“30 million on new players, saw Blackburn relegated from the Premiership and was fighting another relegation battle when the axe fell. Kidd leaves Ewood Park with a bulging pocket Walker is noted for the generosity of severance pay he doles out but doubtless a broken heart and severely dented pride. There’s a Scotsman somewhere near Manchester who’s probably having a quiet chuckle right now…

BATES SINGS THE BLUES: We’re not yet through with club chairmen. Chelsea’s Ken Bates, not known for subtlety of style, has gone after his players and manager Gianluca Vialli for the team’s poor showing in the Premiership. A message on the club hotline a day before a crucial Champions League match pointed the finger at Vialli’s performance, citing `errors of judgment’ in team selection, and at the players’ commitment levels. The last time Bates spoke out wasfollowed, incidentally, by the sacking of Vialli’s predecessor Ruud Gullit.

BECKHAM THE BEST?: As the deadline nears, the pendulum swings towards David Beckham. A Daily Mirror article this week studied the merits of Beckham and Rivaldo, the two top contenders for the World Footballer of the Year award. Rivaldo came out tops in skills (obviously) and temperament; Beckham was streets ahead in the crossing department. One obvious advantage Becks has is his team; Man United have been THE team of the year, success fuelled in no small part thanks to Beckham’s laser-like crosses and amazing energy. Barca, though, haven’t fared well. And, finally, there’s the wife factor..