CRISIS IN THE making?

• Nishant Singh, is a 37-year-old Delhi-based engineer. Ever since his childhood, he was told that he had to crack the IIT — so much so that he had little time for anything else. And now that he is an IITian, Singh has started feeling stagnant. He cannot relate to his peers, who seem from a different world. Result? He is a loner with low confidence level.

The outward circumstances may be different and the names changed, but the people mentioned are all suffering from what is called a midlife crisis – a time for self-doubt and turmoil that mostly strikes in the 40s and 50s.

While the concept was forever familiar — and scoffed upon — in the West, in India it is slowly becoming recognised now, say psychologists. Earlier, though the symptoms were present, the cause was not identified and therefore, the treatment was not holistic. But lately, the sudden spurt in the number of divorces, extramarital affairs, suicides and homicides has brought home the issue.

Most alarmingly, the crisis in India is beginning to occur earlier — sometimes in the late 20s — and is dubbed a “quarterlife crisis”.

Dr Bharat Shah, consultant psychiatrist, Lilawati Hospital, Mumbai, attributes it to high aspirations and competitiveness that have come with the booming economy and opening up more career avenues. “There is an obsession to lead in the Indian youth and more so among the urban middle class. You expect yourself to reach there quickly and beyond that you don’t consider life. The result is a rather a poorly nurtured self after you reach the pinnacle. Or if you fail to achieve the set targets, you are met with an even more frustrated self,” he says.

The result is, after about 8-10 years of working, people end up taking impulsive decisions — sudden change of profession, new ventures and sometimes messing up their careers altogether.

SOUNDS FAMILIAR?

But it was not like this always. Midlife crisis was supposed to strike when people had survived their youth and finally figured themselves out — only to discover that age is on the horizon and nothing less than a complete revamp of life will do.

“One might feel the need for adventure and change. Many also start questioning the choices they made in their lives and the validity of decisions made years before,” says Dr Achal Bhagat, consultant psychiatrist at Delhi’s Indraprastha Apollo Hospital. “They may even be confused about their very identity and the way forward. In some cases there is a desire for a new, passionate and intimate relationship.”

But whatever the symptom, the underlying reason is “an unhappiness with life and the lifestyle that may have provided them with happiness for many years”, he adds.

A few manage to take it gracefully. But on the whole, it is a complicated and emotionally uncomfortable time for many, which can lead to depression, moods wings, impulsiveness hypertension and other psychosomatic disorders.

Everything, it appears, is fair game: one’s job, spouse, lover — you name it. But what entirely breaks a person is a confused and unmanageable personal life.

If there have been tensions, if issues have been swept under the carpet for years, if there is a yawning chasm and togetherness is an alien concept, the situation is rather critical, says Dr Niloufer Ebrahim, consultant psychologist, Jehangir Apollo Hospital, Pune. “Couples bound together in the early years who failed to work on the marriage, grow in different directions,” she says. “By the time they reach midlife, they are at two distant extremes. The loneliness really hits when the children leave home.”

The result is either depression or a pursuit of companionship outside home. In either case, it breaks the family.

RESEARCH SAYS

The Western world though, put down that sort of “crisis” for long as a natural result of a roving eye and the polygamous nature of the male. But a recent worldwide study of two million people from 80 countries suggested that happiness occurs like a U-shaped curve.

People across the world are happiest in the beginning and end of their lives and actually miserable in middle age, found the researchers — economists Andrew Oswald from the University of Warwick in England and David Blanchflower from Dartmouth College in the US. After analysing data from 500,000 Americans and West Europeans from “The World Values Survey”, it found that across cultures, they found, depression and unhappiness typically strike in midlife. For British men and women, the probability of depression peaks around 44 years of age. In the US, unhappiness peaks at around age 40 for women and 50 for men.

Oswald’s study, published in Social Science and Medicine,is important because other reports have suggested that psychological well-being stays relatively flat and consistent as people age.

But does the research hold true for India?

Not really, say doctors. “The demographic and socio-economic differences here are great as compared to the West. Though no data is available in India, there’s no denying that the number of such cases are on the rise,” says Dr N Solayappan, Consultant Psychiatrist, Chennai’s Balaji Hospital.

A PROBLEM FOR WOMEN TOO?

The situation actually is more worrisome in case of women, say psychiatrists. Women in four times more depressed as compared to men, because they have a lot more to handle,” says Dr Jitendra Nagpal, psychiatrist Moolchand Medicity, New Delhi.

There are issues like hormonal changes, a metabolism that is slowing down, health issues ranging from pre-menopausal symptoms to low tolerance levels.

“Plus they are also expected to be a perfect homemaker and have to work much harder to prove their point at the workplace. Between the pressures of home and work, they usually tend to lose balance and thus pay the price of seeking equality,” he adds.

In her book The Breaking Point: How Female Midlife Crisis Is Transforming Today’s Women, Wall Street Journal’s Work & Family columnist Sue Shellenbarger writes: “Women experience a more dramatic rebound in personal fulfilment at midlife, on the heels of a deeper dip than men in their child-rearing years. Whereas male midlife crisis is more likely to be driven by career issues, women’s turmoil is more likely to be driven by introspection.”

Though the female midlife crisis travels many courses, Shellenbarger found that most women’s angst is propelled primarily by one powerful, repressed passion — a part of oneself that begs for expression and reintegration. And what is further adding to the spread of the idea, according to her, is the fact that, “women are innately more likely than men to talk with others about their inner turmoil, to openly seek solutions, and to look for remedies in community and society. That suggests their midlife transitions will send increasingly visible ripple effects through society.”

WAY OUT

Despair in midlife comes on slowly and may be inevitable, but the good news is that it doesn’t last. According to Oswald’s study, it looks from the data like something happens deep inside humans. Only in their 50s do most people emerge from the low period. But encouragingly, by the time you are 70, if you are still physically fit, then on an average you are as happy and mentally healthy as a 20-year-old, the study says. Maybe realising that such feelings are completely normal in midlife might help individuals survive the phase better.

Snap Out of it

Dr Niloufer Ebrahim lays a few pointers for those who wish to embrace the middle age with grace:

• Stop denying midlife: Accept it with dignity and pride. It is a period awarded to you because you have survived youth

• Dump the baggage: It cannot be forgotten but it can be dealt with and accepted. If need be, get professional help.

• Never play the martyr: Self-pity and complaints only earns you more neglect and no respect. Overcome your fears, deal with your emotions, learn to like and respect yourself.

• Forgive yourself: We all make mistakes but what we learn from them makes us better humans.

• Set personal targets: Do you hate your job? Are you in an abusive relationship? Is your home overflowing with clutter? Should you shed some pounds? Want to add to your education, upgrade your knowledge? Take action

• Overcome prejudices: Examine your theories. If they are outdated and promote hate and fear, dump them.

• Indulge yourself: Rediscover old hobbies and try new ones. Catch up on reading, revamp your wardrobe, go trekking, take your spouse on a date. And do not miss the cultural events you gave up when the kids needed help with homework.