Doctoring Latin

If you think that advanced techniques in liver transplantation and the magic of performing cardiac surgery through the tiniest apertures...

If you think that advanced techniques in liver transplantation and the magic of performing cardiac surgery through the tiniest apertures are modern medicine’s greatest achievements, you are fully justified. Yet, through the ages, the noble profession has been perfecting an intrigue — bordering on conspiracy: the artful use of jargon and short forms, codes and Latin phrases.

When I was initiated into the fraternity I found, to my consternation, that the tiniest of muscles and blood vessels had impressive technical names, often rooted in Latin. Richard Gordon, the author of the ‘Doctor’ series, recounts that at a formal party he was asked to say grace. Seeing no way to wriggle out of the predicament, he saved the situation with aplomb reciting, “Levator Palpebrae Superioris Alaque Nasi. Amen!” The Levator Palpabrae is a tiny facial muscle!

Even after we marched into the wards after the pre-clinical years, short forms followed us everywhere. In gynaecology we were cautioned that APH (Ante Partum Haemorrhage) should be dealt with utmost care, lest it should become a case of PPH after delivery.

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Prolonged and unremitting fevers often stumped even the veteran professor of medicine, but he was not at a loss for words. He gave us a detailed bed-side lecture on how to approach a case of PUO (Pyrexia of Unknown Origin). I remember that a wag remarked that he could stride up to his boss and proclaim that he needs two weeks’ of leave, as he suffered from plain laziness. All he needed was the suitable Latin phrase.

The last posting of internship was in the rural hospital, but by then the hospital had been renamed the CHAD hospital (Community Health And Development). All along, I held a vague notion that Chad is a sub-Saharan country.

Now for two decades I am away from the mainstream, and have been intently trying to straighten out kinks in deranged minds. But, here too there is a catch. Too many of my patients suffer from F20. That, in case you did not know, is how the international classification codes schizophrenia.