Eight to Hate

Our list of people and shows we have had enough of—a jab at the insufferables of 2008. Read this with your knives out and feel free to disagree

THE BACHCHAN PARIVAR
It must be crazy to be the Big B. Or actually any B. The patriarch spends his days shooting for films and advertisements, selling you clothes, pain balm, honey, bank accounts, cement, chocolate and polio vaccine while his offspring and his wife sell more clothes, diamonds, soaps, hair colour and what have you. Jaya B weeps a little on your screen when she’s acting or in trouble for her office of profit. But not to worry, she’s got Amar Singh talking to the media on her behalf. And Anil Ambani and Subroto Roy are reliable and provide

sahara when the Bachchans have a family do or are at an event. If it wasn’t bad enough that in 2007 they were all over the place with the Abhi-Ash courtship and marriage, 2008 is bound to get worse. With all the speculations about Aishwarya’s pregnancy, the family is bound to go temple trooping again with their extended family. AB, AB Baby, ARB, JB and Bachchans by default: take a break.

KARAN JOHAR
That waxed look, the toothy smile and that spiked hair is being hailed as the ‘metrosexual’ look. Along with the personality it belongs to. Turn on your television sets and if he’s not talking silly with his guest on Koffee With Karan, then K-Jo is hosting an awards ceremony on another channel. Or he’s at a fashion show and going ga-ga over some unwearable clothes. Apart from making films that look the same and have almost the same cast (they’re all lucky for him, you know), Johar is just painful to watch for the way he has made being fake acceptable and fashionable. Cine magazines have recently reported that he’s shopping for baby clothes for dear friend Farah Khan. Not too difficult a task since he did start out as an assistant director who also chooses SRK’s wardrobe for most of his films. Just that it wouldn’t have been such a bad idea to have remained behind the scenes, eh?

RAM GOPAL VARMA
What was this man thinking of, remaking Sholay as Aag with the whole country watching it with their knives out? He wasn’t thinking and in the few post-disaster (it doesn’t qualify as a film) interviews, he wasn’t blinking either, just looking dazed and confused. Regret is the most expensive thing to live with and doesn’t Ramu know it now—the Factory Man hasn’t announced any new films. His last project has veritably burnt out an entire career.

HIMESH RESHAMMIYA
Is he a music composer? Or a singer? Or an actor? Who knows? This year, Reshammiya came up with a biopic on himself, Aap Ka Surroor: The Moviee: The Real Luv Story (we believe you, Himesh, we do) and if Om Shanti Om hadn’t triumphed at the box office, there would be no way for us to survive this. He was literally all the rage on Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, although few of us will confess that we loved the background music that played each time the camera followed Reshammiya. When he’s not trying to re-grow his hair under a cap, he’s angering Asha Bhosle by saying R.D. Burman too had a nasal style of singing. After composing “melodies” for no less than 10 films in 2007, Reshammiya has decided to unleash himself on us once more and has announced the sequel to his debut film. His die hard fans are already in a frenzy to see his brand new hair and there are a few who shudder at what is in store. Jai Mata di, don’t rock tonight!

SHEKHAR SUMAN
He beat you to it, SRK. Shekhar Suman’s six pack made news and how. But what a pain it has been, to open a weekend page and pull out a long, glossy picture of his washboard abs with Suman looking washed out. But he claims to have never felt better; he’s had a good run this year. With the Laughter Challenge breaking all records, his happiness has resulted in an album this year. Kuch Khwaab Aise, Suman’s musical debut threatened to make his every dream come true, as the videos showed him walking into the sunset with hot Brazilian model Bruna. And yes, he was topless. Egad!

REALITY SHOWS ON NEWS CHANNELS
If you missed that oh-so-exciting spat between Himesh Reshamiyya and Ismail Darbar on Zee, you could watch a rerun—on our 24×7 news channels. A long shot of the anchor, the reality show playing in the background, the anchor breathlessly talking about that great squabble you might have missed, the frozen frames, the dramatic background score and the copious tears. Can we have news, please?

TASTELESS ADS
Sorry if this sounds sexist, but men in thongs don’t make for great TV. The Lux Cozy ad shows a man wrapped in a towel answering the door. The towel slips and the woman at the door shifts her gaze down you-know-where. This ad and the Amul Macho ad were deservedly banned. Ok, so we are all for freedom of expression but can’t we have ads done more tastefully? Time these ads were stripped off TV.

RAKHI SAWANT
It’s difficult to decide exactly how much you dislike her and exactly what you dislike her for. But Rakhi Sawant has got to get over her dare bare act if she wants any leading film roles. Her great faith in “Jejus” has stood her in good stead through last year’s deadly kiss and this year’s Big Boss show, but being laughed at on every Koffee with Karan show and then appearing on it took the cake. So she talks her mind and has made her episode of Aap Ki Adaalat the most watched ever but item girls, bare and brazen come to Bollywood nineteen by the dozen and Sawant could just get lost in the crowd. But if she wants to continue to survive in the industry, she better take the year off and come up with some new ideas.