Get with the programme — or in it

Watch carefully. The guy in the yellow shirt and spectacles receives a call on his mobile and immediately runs his fingers through his hair....

Watch carefully. The guy in the yellow shirt and spectacles receives a call on his mobile and immediately runs his fingers through his hair. He looks sombre. A short man to his right gives him a rude shove that momentarily disturbs his equilibrium, but he dispenses of him with a flick of his hip, re-adjusts his spectacles, and resumes his serious expression. Behind him, a young boy levitates and chews gum at the same time. Each time he is airborne, he gives a little friendly wave as though he’s greeting an acquaintance. Next to him men of varying heights jostle and exchange hostile looks — a tall one gets his shoulder into the picture and settles for that. Another tries tiptoe. Finally, a moustached man taps the reporter commenting on the RSS meet in Surat, and suggests that he should move a little so that he, too, can get a look in.

Say hello to the nameless hundreds who, each day, seek out fleeting television fame. Ignore the reporter or the person interviewed and concentrate on those behind them: the ‘television extras’ have one common objective: to be seen on TV at any cost.

On the day the NOIDA housing chief was interviewed about the scam, the background boys (always male) were all ears, bending forward with sad frowns as if they had just lost a dear one. Switch to ousted Shiv Sena chief Narayan Rane and you see men in crumpled kurta-pyjama (haven’t they heard of drip-dry?) lounging, one arm around each other, as if they didn’t care about Rane — and perhaps they didn’t.

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Next, the reporter in Gujarat. He describes the grim conditions of the flood but behind him, but a young boys double up with laughter as if he has cracked a particularly hilarious joke. They affect nonchalance but are lousy actors because their eyes remain glued to camera.

With politicians it is often different. On the day of the Ayodhya attack, Shivraj Patil sauntered forward to the mic with a big smile on his face. Behind him Sanjay Baru, the PM’s media advisor, had an expression as sharp as a dagger.

Meanwhile, at the site of an attack, reporters stood with grave expressions before the remains of an exploded taxi; young men were seen kicking its wheels and seeking the camera’s approval.

Mulayam Singh Yadav, CM of Uttar Pradesh, gets two kinds of background support: on the day of the NOIDA housing scam, he had a pair of jokers in T-shirts hugging each other, one enjoying the embrace, the other determinedly chewing paan (you knew it was paan by his stained lips). The day after Ayodhya, politicians stood behind Singh, packed tightly together. You could not distinguish one from the mass of others — when the CM moved, the human block moved as one behind him! It is noticeable that BJP leaders are normally surrounded by more hangers-on than Congressman — anyone know why?

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Happy to report that the security guys do their job even on camera: they never look into the camera, their eyes dart around like arrows in search of prospective targets, and their expressions indicate they have not heard a word their charge is saying.

Now take the Londoner. During the 7/7 bomb blasts, the people who gathered about a speaker looked keen, as though they were listening to every word spoken. They didn’t look into the camera. When Aaj Tak took the underground and interviewed an Indian commuter, the other passengers either turned their backs or looked heavenwards.

Lastly, the first episode of Desperate Housewives (Star World), just nominated for umpteen more Emmy Awards than it deserves, was like the sun on a monsoon day: a hot, sticky and unwelcome sight. A sort of suburban Sex and the City that takes itself seriously. At least two women are only interested in sex, one man in divorce, another in the length of the grass in his lawn, the third in digging and the last in the ladies plumbing problems. Way to go. Ways to go. The emphasis, of course, is on ‘‘go’’.