Heat waves and war raves

» Like, isn’t it strange that the escalation of subcontinental hostilities of late have occurred at the height of summer?

» Like, isn’t it strange that they chose May to explode nuclear devices at Pokharan and Chagai? That the Kargil intrusions occurred in May? That last year’s Bangladesh-India skirmish took place in April?

» Like, isn’t it strange that while the monsoon is caused by hot air rising and causing clouds which lead, in turn, to lightning and thunder storms, wars on the sub-continent are triggered off by precisely such phenomena?

» Like, why is it that we never know how many active security experts we have and how many retired generals, until the threat of war looms closer?

» Like, isn’t it strange that once the possibility of war breaking out is in the air, these courageous men and women emerge out of the woodwork in whole battalions?

» Like, isn’t it strange how the country’s preparedness is often based on the general preparedness of this lot, who are always ready to storm the barricades over a whisky and soda?

» Like, isn’t it ironic that it is the old soldier who is always the most trigger-happy, even though it is the young soldier who has to do the dying?

» Like, how is it that security experts and retired generals can spin out so many apocalyptic visions out of such limited vocabulary?

» Like, isn’t it ironic that if you were to knock out the words ‘options’ and ‘scenarios’ from the vocabulary of the average security expert, he would be severely disarmed?

» Like, isn’t it ironic that if you were to go further and render them without expressions like ‘punitive strike’, ‘hot pursuit’, ‘appropriate response at the appropriate moment’, you would have left them almost totally speechless?

» Like, isn’t it amazing that the words used by the American security establishment — words by Donald Rumsfeld and Company last November — are now being recyled right here in Delhi?

» Like, isn’t it ironic that neither the security experts nor the retired generals seem to have heard that useful piece of advice that if you can’t strike oil in the first two minutes of a chat show, stop boring?

» Like, isn’t is reassuring to learn that amidst all this talk of nuclear strikes and final solutions, the Defence Research Development Organisation has built us an anti-nuke shelter?

» Like, isn’t it reassuring to learnt that such a shelter can protect 30 lives for about 96 hours, and that it comes equipped with attached bathrooms and water supply?

» Like, won’t things however get a bit crowded in there for one billion of us trying to escape being vaporised?

» Like, will there anyway be much space left after they have accommodated in that shelter, the president, the prime minister, the home minister, the defence minister, the finance minister, the external affairs minister, the power minister, the minister for disinvestment, the minister for petroleum and the HRD minister, as they will no doubt have to?

» Like, doesn’t this remind one of that little ditty that goes…‘‘So do get going helter-skelter/ And sell each citizen a shelter/ Wherein while being bombed and strafed, he/ Can reek and retch and rot in perfect safety…”?