How to channel votes

And, hello, hello, what’s this? An ad on Jaya, looks and sounds suspiciously like India Shining (because it’s in Tamil we’re unable to confirm this). Speaking of which, someone ought to spit on the Congress TV ad campaign – and polish it, vigorously. Just now it’s as rusty as the bus it features with an assortment of women who hold up their palms like obedient schoolchildren in a classroom and recite, ‘‘hum Congress ke saath hain’’. So is Moushumi Chatterjee but so what? More effective would be Sonia Gandhi with NDTV India’s slogan: ‘‘jubaan pe sach, dil mein India’’.

If the Congress ads promise grandiose changes, Sab Views current affairs promos promise intellectual profundities — ‘‘a meeting of brilliant minds’’. It doesn’t require a genius to tell you that the debate between messiers Punj and Jain on opinion polls, or Salman Khurshid’s ‘‘A mother brings her son forward, so what?’’ are not even artificial pearls of wisdom.

Here is one claim that must be preserved for posterity. Priyanka Gandhi, speaking in Hindi that would be the envy of everyone, including her mother, told Aaj Tak there would never be two power centres in the Congress: ‘‘hum ek hain — marte dum tak’’. If she continues to deliver such lines, she’d best swap places with Kyunki’s Tulsi!

Which brings us to Rahul Gandhi. His triumphant arrival to file his Amethi nomination alongside a proud mother and beaming sister resembled a victory lap. While his win might be a foregone conclusion, there’s no need to look so smug already. Earlier, his TV interviews sounded sincere, though limited in that he repeated the same words (almost word for word) in each one. Ditto the print. Odd.

Equally odd was watching George Fernandes wash dirty linen in public (Follow the Leader, NDTV 24×7). It’s bad enough we had to see him at 5.15 am looking as dishevelled as always (but surprisingly not more so), the sight of him on his haunches scrubbing his clothes did nothing to enhance his stature. And it was not a little ironical to hear him say he belongs to a ‘‘different category’’ of politicians with Leftist leanings when he’s the Right wing BJP’s staunchest ally. Must say, though he’d make a good dhobi.

The elections are having their impact on our TV saas-bahus. In Sara Akaash (Star Plus), the intrepid bahu of the Raja’s family marches into her wicked brother-in-law’s lair and picks up the gauntlet he throws down: who dares to stand against me in the elections? My mom-in-law, replies the girl promptly with a look that knows no fear. Aha.

Alas, other serials are impervious to reality. In Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki (Star Plus) the star of the show, Parvati, suffered extensive facial injuries in an accident, one week and the next she’s back in action with a new face. There must be some hidden symbolic meaning to these changes; otherwise, they’re beginning to be really ridiculous. If an actress needs a break from a serial, why not send her character away on a yatra with Advaniji or some such instead of this elaborate deception?

Lastly, DD should be recognised for airing an old interview-cum-demo with the late Odissi maestro Kelucharan Mohapatra. Thank You.