Everyone now talks about a ‘‘roadmap’’ to peace. Even my servant Mukul could hardly remain unaffected by global buzzwords. He insisted on offering me roadmaps to making my breakfast before actually serving it. My friend was refused an increment. Instead his boss charted a roadmap for his career.What was a roadmap? Was it a state of permanent denial. I wondered. To find out I interviewed George Bush who had ‘‘roadmapped’’ everything, from the Israel-Palestine accord to Indo-Pak.Readers should excuse my frequent habit of crossing the frontiers of time and space.The year: 2005. This is what Bush had to say about India and Pakistan: ‘‘The roadmap for India-Pak is there. I told Musharraf that if you are under pressure to indulge in cross-border terrorism, at least make some noises that look as though you are closing terrorist camps. I then told Vajpayee if you do not want to discuss Kashmir, welcome any composite dialogue whatever that may mean.’’‘‘What does that mean,’’ I asked.Bush: ‘‘Search me. We have proved that we will do whatever we like, whether it is Iraq, Syria or the Middle East. Our advice to all countries is to do the same. But always follow a roadmap.’’That revealed something about the Indo-Pak roadmap but what about Iraq’s roadmap? And how does the roadmap to peace look in the Middle East?‘‘Very good,’’ asserted Bush. ‘‘As you know, by 2003 we had established total peace in Iraq by starting to exploit all the oil fields. This was preceded by a roadmap to peace in Iraq. By 2004, I had taken over as the new ruler in Iraq and, given the sensitivities of the Middle East, everyone put up my statues and photographs. Terrorists, looters and despots are being blindfolded and shot. The oil economy was booming after I handed over power to Dick Cheney in Washington.’’‘‘Isn’t it unusual for a former US President to declare himself the Shiekh of Iraq,’’ I asked, finding the situation looking like a remake of Comic Ali.‘‘Actually it was not part of the roadmap,’’ explained the former US President. ‘‘But as you know, we had no intentions of conquering Iraq just as I had no intention of anointing myself here. But along with the democratic values it was thought democratic leaders should also be brought from the United States, at least people who know this part of the country.’’‘‘It is now 2005. Don’t you think you should have found weapons of mass destruction?’’ I asked.‘‘We are looking for three things,’’ Bush replied. ‘‘This is the roadmap to finding weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden. Our search will never end. And we will continue our search in Syria, Iran and any other place we need to destroy first to search later.’’‘‘How do you qualify to run Iraq,’’ I wondered.‘‘I know what runs this country and the Middle East — oil. I am very comfortable,’’ claimed Bush. ‘‘I find the namaz a fascinating way to pray. I have suggested to Cheney that American women should always cover their heads even if they expose other parts of their body.’’‘‘Is this part of the new roadmap to a new social order,’’ I asked.‘‘This is the only roadmap for all mankind world,’’ argued Bush, ‘‘a new free country where new acceptable social norms would emerge. Evil despots that rule Washington will be kicked and booted out of the country.’’
