Mamma, my kitchen’s on fire!

Non dimenticare, don’t forget, We are preparing for cinque, five, state elections. It then becomes molto difficile to snatch even uno momento to write a letter. We have to make posters with Our fotographia waving to the gente. We have to host several celebrazione to keep up the morale of our workers. We have to get good sunblock cream and saris to match our destinations. That Vasundhara Raje Scindia is dressing up like a Rajasthani gypsy to win votes in that state, wait till she sees Us campaigning in Rajasthan!

Mamma, the gente, the people, love us molto molto but my enemies are very good at false propaganda. This is a battaglia, battle, mamma, a battaglia nothing less. Qualche volta, sometimes, non mi vagiu, We cannot stand it. But what can We do? Our famiglia has a historic role to play and We have been entrusted with that importante lavoro job. Today, oggi, we have to win cinque election; domani, tomorrow, we have to win the entire paese, country.

And sometimes, qualche volta, We get shocks. You know the feeling, no, mamma? When you put a torta, a cake, to bake and it gets burnt? Well, two of Our tortas got burnt recently. Ernakulam, We didn’t expect much. That Antony is a buffo and that Karunakaran is a rogue. Then they brought Us news of Solapur, and shocked Us, no ce che dire, no doubt about it. It’s that villain, Pawar, behind it We know. We felt as if Our kitchen was on fire. But non si pre-occupil, don’t worry, We are made of strong stuff! Even Our enemies think We are getting molto bono, very good, at making speeches. We still read out speeches but now We have a new way of looking up every two seconds, or so, for eye-contact with the masses.

We have to beat the BJP, a party full of tricksters and scamsters and vecchio, old, men with big ambitions. Of course, Our party also has tricksters and scamsters and old men with big ambitions, but We can tell this to no one apart from you. That Karunakaran is giving Us molto disturbo, truly lots of trouble. He has the impudence to defy Us. We’ll deal with him in time. For the momento, We need to concentrate on these elections. Venti anni fa, twenty years ago, things were so easy. We just asked the gente to vote for Our Party and they voted for it. Now We have to fight off the BJP’s tricksters and NDA stooges. One vecchio, old, man spouts poesia to fool the people, another vecchio man threatens to take Us to court for sedition. They think they can stop Us. They don’t know what stuff We are made of.

By the way, mamma, how do you like the slogano, ‘‘Pichli baari Atal Behari/Ab ki baari, Bahu Hamari?’’ It means, last time it was Atal Behari, now it is the turn of Our Daughter-in-law, meaning Us. Molto bono? You like it? We think it is quite good but We have asked those buffos in the party to come up with better ones.

The famiglia is well and the two bebes are lovely. Si figuri, just imagine tua figlia becoming a nonna, grandma, twice over! Si, si, by the way, did We tell you that that Maneka has lost her lavoro, job, as minister? Verismo, mamma, she is so stupido! She is now a plain MP and is busy with her cats and dogs while tua figlia is Leader of the Opposition and has so many molto importante things to do. We believe she is now modelling pashmina shawls. Wait till she sees Our pashmina collection, when We get it out this inverno!

Got to go now, mamma, the whole party is looking to Us for direction and We have an importante riunione, meeting. Ciao for now,
Ti amo, Sonia.