Oh! To Be In Love and To Say So

‘‘The kind of publicity we get these days tends to be less derogatory and stereotypical,’’ he explains. ‘‘And with this incident, you are now pushing the issue to the next level, like marriage.’’

For 26-year-old Sunila Kumar, a student doing her PhD on sexuality and activism, ‘‘the main challenge this presents to society is that it suggests that homosexuality is about much more than secrets and sex. It suggests that it’s also about happiness, choice and making lives together.’’

But isn’t it too early to be talking about gay marriages in a country where the law still criminalises the act of homosexuality?

‘‘I think whenever the question of marriage is raised, there will be a large section who will say that you are jumping the gun. There is going to be no perfect timing for such a thing,’’ feels Farhaad. ‘‘We are already on the roll — there are more spaces for gay people now, more activism, more comfort and awareness. At some point we will run into marriage. So why not bring it up now?’’

According to Madhu, a 39-year-old activist who is associated with PRISM and who also works for a women’s organisation in the Capital, marriage has been a tricky issue within the gay and lesbian community for a while. ‘‘At a gender justice seminar held in Mumbai in 1996, a women’s forum presented alternatives to the existing system of marriage, presenting a domestic partnership contract which sought to assure the rights of same sex couples,’’ she says.

Farhaad, however, is wary about marriage becoming a tool for gaining moral standing and respectability within the community and more so in the eye of the heterosexual public. ‘‘This is what has kept me from being ecstatic at the Rodricks marriage. I am for the choice of being able to get married, but against marriage, in that sense,’’ he explains.

Madhu, however, feels it is important to consider the aspirations of gay and lesbian people, of being able to couple with people they love and have their relationship approved by family and friends. ‘‘There were three couples who reportedly committed suicide between Ocober and November last year,’’ she informs. ‘‘The level of emotional trauma that some of these young couples have undergone is reflected in the suicide note of one couple in which they asked the parents not to separate them in death at least.’’

Marriage being a socially acceptable institution, the Rodricks wedding has also lent a certain amount of seriousness to an otherwise flippant image of homosexual relationships and the community at large, feels the group. ‘‘It’s a language which people understand. When you talk of a marriage, albeit gay, you are playing in straight places. You can’t talk of marriage and stay marginalised,’’ feels Farhaad.

Twenty-five-year-old Anita who works for Sangini, an organisation which runs a helpline and a drop-in space for women who are attracted to women, feels there is a need to be subversive to be accepted as a lesbian, to get into the mainstream of society. ‘‘Today the media has flashed a gay wedding. This can open an avenue for talking about being gay.’’

Madhu also believes recognising gay marriages will decrease the invisiblity and illicitness of gay relationships, which has been the norm so far. ‘‘Visitation rights at hospitals are reserved for blood relatives or spouses only,’’ says Farhaad, ‘‘hopefully, gay partners will be included as spouses or at least, as relatives.’’ The biggest challenge of this movement is creating role models, the group agrees: It would make a world of a difference.

(Names have been changed to protect identity)Sangini helpline: (011) 26851970/71