Playing House

Marriage? That’s a formality to be completed before they begin living together in their dream-come-true home. ‘‘Once I get married I shouldn’t be struggling for the basic things,’’ says Arvinder Gill, 29, a relationship manager with Citicorp, New Delhi. His 26-year-old fiancee Sumeet Sandhu, who is with HDFC Bank, empathises completely with his view. So, though the two are widely accepted as a couple among their friends and family, the vows are still some way off.

‘‘It was very important for us to have a decently furnished apartment with all the comforts,’’ says Arvinder. Now the two have put down a deposit on a swank apartment in Heritage City, Gurgaon, and are shopping for their furniture, soft furnishings and appliances. And yes, the wedding has been scheduled for December.

The wait, assure the Ratras of Mumbai, is well worth it, and a bonding period like no other. ‘‘We planned our lives so that our house would be ready and only then would we get married,’’ laughs Romil Ratra, partner in the plush restaurant Caliente, in Colaba. ‘‘We spent two years doing up our house in Powai. At that time I was an assistant manager, F&B, at the Taj Mahal hotel and Aneesha was with a marketing firm. We didn’t have that much time to spare, so every weekly off-day was spent doing up the house.’’

With late weddings no longer raising eyebrows, and conspicuous consumption more the norm than the exception, the good life is an achievable goal for upwardly mobile couples. ‘‘You name it, we have it,’’ grins Sandeep Verma, 35 and the man behind the floating bar company Shaken or Stirred. ‘‘All the electrical appliances, a state of the art kitchen, and my bar, it’s the best ever!’’

But it’s not just about possessions, it’s about having a space to call your own. ‘‘When we decided to get married, we were sure we wanted to move into a place of our own,’’ says Pune-based fashion designer Malavika Bhide-Bhagwat, who married her fiance of four years Atul Bhide in February this year. ‘‘Staying with his parents was not an option we wanted to consider. Though we had to wait a while before we could tie the knot, the need for freedom was way too massive to give in to an early marriage.’’

The Bhides realised that little things could make a difference. ‘‘We wanted casual, comfortable furniture, soft, happy colours around the house. That would not have been possible in a home (Atul’s) that was already set,’’ points out Malavika, curled into a beanbag near the large-screen telly.’In another place, these little things could well become large issues. And today’s 20-somethings are well aware of the possible pitfalls. ‘‘I don’t like the idea of having to share stuff like a music system or a computer,’’ says 22-year-old Rakhi Trivedi (name changed on request) of Ahmedabad. ‘‘I mean, I could, if I have to, but I’d rather not.’’

For Delhi’s Bhavana Lal and Siddharth Sood, both in their late 20s, the D-Day is still in ‘‘early February or maybe even October.” In the meantime, they are collaborating on the construction of a new floor on Siddharth’s parental place in Noida. ‘‘I want two bathrooms, in one of which I’ll have all the paraphernalia a woman needs,’’ laughs Bhavana, who works with a luxury Swiss watch label. Once the basic structure is in place, the two intend to get around to furnishing.

It’s a huge decision, and one that to-be-weds try to make wisely. There’s a price to pay for it in 24-hour togetherness, but the returns include a future life cushioned by material comforts that money can buy. ‘‘Readymade house or no, the struggle is always there,’’ says Pavan Chandra, 30, a manager at Wipro, Bangalore, who married his teenage sweetheart Jesika nine years after he fell in love with her. ‘‘When we started working, I bought a mattress with our first salary. Then came a fridge. And a 14-inch TV, followed by a 29-inch. When we finally got married, our relatives had a tough time getting us weddings gifts!’’

Perhaps more than the young couples themselves, it is the attitude of the family that indicates the change in society. Once upon a time, a commitment between two young adults would have been inevitably followed up by family pressures to legalise the alliance. Now, parents are quite content to stand by and let the children feather their nest first.

Sometimes, parental consent is not an issue at all. As mobility becomes a given and young adults move away from home to work in a different city, accommodation becomes a matter of comfort and convenience, rather than prejudices and principles.

As in the case of Dinesh Singh and Namrata Singh, both corporate lawyers based in Delhi. ‘‘We decided to get married in 2001, but Namrata was then in her final year and I thought it only fair to wait for her to complete the degree,’’ says Dinesh, 30.

Namrata graduated and moved to Delhi, into a one-room studio set-up. ‘‘My parents aren’t willing to reconcile themselves to our match, but I see no point in waiting any longer,’’ says the 25-year-old. ‘‘We began wedding preparations soon after I came to Delhi. We are pooling in our resources to furnish our future home.’’

The wedding is set for early 2004, but Dinesh and Namrata can already see their dream home in their mind’s eye. ‘‘Fab India curtains, a bamboo sitting structure, colourful dhurries, cushions,’’ says Namrata. ‘‘A bar in the balcony, two televisions, a music system,’’ adds Dinesh. ‘‘There’s a flat waiting for us in Noida somewhere…’’

Between them, they are rewriting the rules of marriage. Maybe they are finally getting it right.

Anurita Rathore/Ahmedabad; Rosella Stephen/Chennai; Astha Gupta/Delhi; Nimrit Gill/Ludhiana; Namrata Sharma Zakaria/Mumbai and Uma Karve/Pune