Next time UPA leaders select candidates for top constitutional posts, they should study Parkinson’s Law. They will then not have to suffer the embarrassment of having to project their fifth or sixth choice as the person best suited for the job. Parkinson gives the example of the selection process for a prime minister, which can be applied to our present dilemma over choosing a president. The first step, he says, is to decide on the essential qualities required. These he lists as energy, courage, patriotism, experience, popularity and eloquence. “Now,” he writes, “it will be observed that all these are general qualities which all possible applicants would believe themselves to possess.”So, he suggests that new qualifications be added to eliminate the riff-raff. In the case of UPA’s presidential candidate, an additional attribute could be: he or she should be ready to wield the broom, if required, and have stood by the Family in their moments of distress. Loyalty is very important. For example, Parkinson’s ideal candidate for entry into the navy would, to impress his selectors, cite names of relatives who had been, or were, admirals, commodores, or even cadets in the service, and eventually clinch the job with the words, “My youngest brother wears a sailor suit.” But there are too many of the faithful in the Congress party. Therefore, further weeding out can be done by laying down the condition that the aspirant would be acceptable to the Left, which would eliminate everybody with a publicly proclaimed interest in religion.That would prune the list radically, but will still not ensure that only one aspirant comes forward for the job. So, the final stipulation should be that the person who will bear the UPA colours in the battle for Raisina Hill should have been a ping pong champion in college. That would be the clincher. Only one, the most suitable, candidate will then meet all the conditions and get selected. And here the process should end, because if a ‘clean record of public life’ is also added as a precondition, none among the party loyalists may qualify.
