Tags:
Journalism of Courage
So here are a few quick observations on the poll-o season that has already shaken and stirred some 675 million voters from their summer stupor….
• Like, the Election Commission should be firmly told that it must never again hold a summer election if it knows what’s good for Indian democracy. I mean, isn’t there enough hot air circulating in the weather system, without Messrs Arun Jaitley and Kapil Sibal — the official aspiration apparatuses of the BJP and Congress respectively — expending even more of it?
• Like, I now know what they mean when they say people get the government they deserve. I mean, isn’t it our incredibly short memories that keep this lot in office?
• Like, isn’t it a bit worrying to have a prime minister, who is pushing 80, telling us that ‘‘abhi mera chhodne ka waqt nahi haiv’’ (the time for me to leave has not come). I mean, when would the right time be and doesn’t a retirement clause come with this business? And what about the retirement benefits, I mean, the benefits we get when they retire?
• Like, the only thing we learn from a new election is that we, the people, have learnt very little from the earlier one.
• Like, isn’t it a good thing that we believe in reincarnation in the country, otherwise how would the baba log — like the Rajiv-Rahul Gandhis — have made it to politics?
• Like, one of the best things about elections is the mass disembowelling that goes on. I mean, isn’t it a great thing that politicians finally begin to tell the truth, even if it is not about themselves?
• Like, of all the scams and scandals that get served up with unfailing regularity every election — and there are quite a few of them, thankfully — my all-time favourite is Bofors. It’s like one of those exquisite frozen Swedish desserts, with plenty of cream and nuts (so who are the nuts who got the cream, anyway?), which can be brought out of deep freeze and served on paper plates. Like, you can dish it over the decades and still whip up a flutter.
• Like, it is my belief that the spinmeisters of opinion polls are essential for the functioning of the Indian democratic process because they tell us who we will vote for, before we actually vote.
• Like, at the rate the pollwallahs are refining their techniques, a day may soon dawn when we may not even have to take the trouble to go to an election booth and still get an elected government to represent us.
• Like, it is my belief, that banning Praveen Togadia and gagging Narendra Modi would be a great waste of national resources. I mean, wouldn’t it be more productive to just hand them over to the Solid Propellant Rocket Booster plant at ISRO’s Sriharihota complex, where their highly explosive locution could be used as a substitute for the more conventional hydroxyl-terminated polybutadiene fuel propellant?
• Like, it is my belief, that five years of power for any elected government is too short a period to break all those promises they make on the campaign trail. I mean, shouldn’t the term of every Lok Sabha be extended to 10 years so that they get the necessary time to do that?
• Like they say, every election represents a dividing line between what political candidates are going to do for you and what they are going to do to you, and isn’t that a frightening thought?
• Like, given the way in which films stars are rushing to join politics, I wouldn’t in the least bit be surprised if the elephantine star of Haathi Mera Saathi is taken out of retirement and paraded by Venkaiah Naidu or Kamal Nath as their prize ‘‘celebrity catch’’ for the evening.
• Like, there was a time when film stars were thrown out of business by the box-office, but today they are elected out of office.
• Like, personally speaking, I rather enjoy political jokes — unless, of course, they turn out to be ministers in the next government which, alas, they often do.
