Imagine, we are family. Imagine, it’s all about loving your family. Imagine, we’ve been in the family way for years, but this simple truth has eluded us until NDTV asked us to Imagine a family without squabbling bahus, 100-year-old mothers-in-law, reborn spouses, reincarnated sons, and a dozen (il)legitimate offspring who didn’t bring anything but adultery, murder, mayhem and the odd case of madness to the dining table. That was hamara TV parivar. Now we are being asked to imagine a pyaara parivar. What else would you expect of a channel that has Karan Johar as mascot?NDTV Imagine says it offers a new kind of family entertainment. First on, Nach Ve with Saroj Khan: a filmy but not a flimsy excuse to exploit Bollywood in an unusual way — that of teaching willing pupils at home and in the studio to dance like Madhuri Dixit to Choli Ke Peechche. That requires a great deal of imagination! Saroj patiently takes us through the steps, dances effortlessly. Her body and facial expressions, well, she could teach Carla Bruni a thing or two about sensuality. But she’s a stern sergeant major. When she scolds, they stay scolded. Perhaps that’s why the girls address her as “ji Masterji”. Nonetheless, she’s entertaining and not above laughing at herself: “Mere jaise kamra nahin, kamar hai tumhara”. Will you ever dance remotely like Madhuri or Khan? It’s hard to imagine. Dharam Veer: Historical, allegorical with a background in social engineering. In imaginary (what else did you expect?) Aryanagar, the Aryans, sorry, Aryavrats are brutal contractors and the bonded Shammiks (think that’s what they’re called) labour all day to build for them — odd because all the Aryas we’ve seen reside inside one big palace. Everyone is warned that a maseeha will rise to free the downtrodden and lo and behold, Veer is born. Together with the ruler’s son Dharam, he seeks to undo injustice. Highly watchable. Only problem is that the Shammiks look out of place: they are pale scarecrows with contemporary hairstyles and looks. Can’t imagine them as anything but the extras they are. Say Shava Shava: Who imagined that if you mix Simi Grewal with Karan Johar, you’d get anything but milky black coffee? As judges of this singing contest, they have about as much chemistry between them as President Patil and President Sarkozy. They are so agreeable to one another, it’s fake. The sparks don’t ignite, fly, nothing. That sums up the entire series. This 11-day show reveals little talent except for flat notes. Is this a send up of reality shows? Well, the singing is poor, the judges are in harmony, a contestant is dismissed every day and host Ali Asgar, imitating Bollywood characters, cracks jokes. Ramayana: What does one say of an epic that has already been immortalised on the small screen? That this one lacks the grand scale worthy of its mythic dimensions. They had to create an aura; instead, they’ve given us a costume drama. It’s all too human. And that’s the problem. Jasuben Jayantilal Joshi ki Joint Family: This is fun. It takes all the stock ingredients of a soap opera and stands them on their heads. This is a yogic delight, given all the twists and turns in the plot about a Hindu undivided family and its daily trials and tribulations. Everything is done with the utmost seriousness which is what makes it so amusing. What’s different? The lightheartedness, lack of loud, intimidating sounds or music and a camera that shoots straight from the eye instead of somersaulting 360 degrees with close-ups — brought to you by most of the same team who invented those tricks. Lastly, Hindi news channels are reaching out, not to viewers but the heavens. Each time you watch the news, it’s from another planet. Last week, we saw a fully naked woman lounging on Mars, as though posing for a Picasso painting. Who was she? Was she? And how did she get there? More importantly, what fascinated Aaj Tak, India TV more: the possibility of human life on another planet or the woman herself?shailaja.bajpai@expressindia.com
