Soap in the eyes

I can now admit that I have finally outgrown that phase of excusing myself for watching TV soaps by claiming that it is “actually a part of my job — I write on television”.

I can now admit that I have finally outgrown that phase of excusing myself for watching TV soaps by claiming that it is “actually a part of my job — I write on television”. The truth is I am addicted to serials, even if they bear titles like Hare Kaanch Ki Choodiyan. Watching Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhie Bahu Thi and Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki may still be justified, but a Hare Kaanch…draws the inevitable question: “Have you gone nuts?”

On the basis of some personally observed viewing patterns among men watching soaps, I would put them in three broad categories: the ‘out of the closet and proud of it’ lot (ones like me); those who stand-and-watch (sitting down would make them too ‘womanly’) — constantly criticising what they see; and, third, people like my friend Mihir — your regular smart young professional next door — who admit to watching only Friends or Desperate Housewives but would actually put their phones on silent in order to take in Parvati’s monologues.

I could date my own addiction to the days of Buniyaad on DD: 9 pm, Tuesdays and Saturdays. The Saturday viewing would be easily allowed but the Tuesday episode demanded that I had done my homework by 8.30 pm. Luckily, I soon got mom addicted to it as well.

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Later, when I went to study abroad, I would even squander my meagre phone allowance by asking mom what the latest calamity in Tulsi’s life was. Things came to such a pass that people started observing loudly that my wife was going to be a lucky woman — our marital TV viewing was guaranteed to be stress-free. Well, they were wrong. My wife happens to prefer cricket and Rafael Nadal to the K-soaps.

The other day, I was talking to our neighbour, a serial-addict if ever there was one. She revealed that she had finally got her husband to watch some soaps with her — although just two on the weekends. So when I asked him later which were the shows that had caught his eye, he hummed and hawed a bit before declaring ‘RavanKaramchand’. This led me to the discovery that there was a fourth category of male TV soap viewers. They just don’t bother about what they are watching — they simply go through the motions of watching something in order not hurt the feelings of some loved ones in the family. After all, watching soaps is also about loving your family. Get it?