Spiral of violence

If he hits you once, hit him twice. Hit him so hard he doesn’t get up. Hit to hurt. These were my words of advice to my gentle, eight-year-old nephew — who, if he progresses the way he is, may turn into a spiritual guru. He had been regularly bringing back bruises from school. Two boys were delivering them. This was my third or fourth such lecture. Earlier, I had told him to handle the attacks himself, then talk to the teachers, and so on. Didn’t work and that, in turn, brought out the hidden violence and impatience within me. His answer silenced me for good, and has since turned me into a family joke: “But mamoo, first he’ll hit me, then I’ll hit him, then he’ll hit me, then I’ll hit him. Then what?” It also accorded him a premature sainthood — we’re waiting for him to start preaching!

The reluctance of my nephew to take to violence showed me that perhaps such behaviour is only partly genetic and largely acquired. The culmination of what I was advocating was on TV last week — the violent, bloody and completely unbelievable death of a Class 8 student, shot by two of his classmates. Many parents came forth to blame television, newspapers, films and even the reality they somewhat unearth. But an equal number were introspective, understanding that our children will become who we are — not what we ideally want them to be. Question is, how do you break out of a situation where you are a victim of physical or emotional violence and still resist taking to it?

What starts as fight to possess a particular toy grows into bullying in school, matures into ragging in college, and ascends to emotional violence at work. Anger has become public — we see displays of rage on roads, restaurants, airports. As a society, our pent up perversity climaxes in death on a huge scale — Delhi, Gujarat, Kashmir. In the moral-religious domain, all religions, with no exception, condemn violence. But since all religions are exclusive, institutionalised religion is failing society.

Controlling violence is an individual as well as a collective issue (you and I are One). The two have to fuse together to create what the planet yearns for today — the mushroom cloud of peace. The child instinctively knows this, but perhaps loses the ‘visionary gleam’ when interacting with adults.

gautam.chikermane@expressindia.com