The Speaker in thought

O Bhagawantuda! I cannot understand what what Naidugaru has got me into. I am simple man, doing simple simple things for CM, thinking simple...

O Bhagawantuda! I cannot understand what what Naidugaru has got me into. I am simple man, doing simple simple things for CM, thinking simple simple thoughts when everything goes ulta-pulta (north Indians say like that no?). Suddenly, phone rings rings. It is Naidugaru himself. “You are going to be next Speaker. Just pack up, go to Parliament and speak. Just be equidistant and everything will be alright,” he is telling me. O Bhagawantuda! You understand, no, how I am feeling then. God promise, my sweat was running down my forehead like our river Krishna only.

What can I do? I don’t want to be a Speaker. I don’t want to speak only. But Naidugaru, he says something and I have to do. So I put two silk bush-shirts into my suitcase and go to Delhi. Before I can step out of airport only, some people fill my mouth with barfi, cover my neck with garland and rush me to BJP office. There some other people stuff my mouth with barfi, cover my neck with garland. Then MadanlalKhuranaji stuff my mouth with barfi, cover my neck with garland. Then Vajpayeeji himself stuff my mouth with barfi, cover my neck with garland. Yemi cheyali, babu? Can you imagine how I am feeling? How many barfis can a man eat, even in politics? Then they are pushing me into car, pushing a pen into my hand and telling me to file nomination for Speaker’s post.

But Vajpayeeji is inside a nice man. He is telling nice nice things about me. He is telling me that he was liking my Parliamentary manner and expertise. Now, I am simple man. I sat in Parliament for five years on back benches only. But Vajpayeeji saw me then also and liked me. I am suddenly feeling very happy that I am BJP consensus candidate for Speaker. Naidugaru is telling me in Hyderabad itself, remember two words only — consensus and equidistant — power in Delhi will be flowing from these words only, mind it. He is also giving good good advice to me — wear suits in Parliament, he is saying. So I left then only for the tailor, whoimmediately made two suits in Parliament-cut for me — one white, one cream colour. (Silly man made neck too tight — must tell him to do alterations. Am I not already in a tight fit?)

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But, O bhagawantuda, this equidistance business only is giving me a headache. See, this Arif Khan comes and he is wanting to present a motion for breach of privilege. See, I am a simple man. Sir, you can please go ahead, I tell him. Ekkada irrikinchavu babu, where have I landed myself? He begins talking and talking and Sushmaji is shrieking and shrieking that I must not be allowing him to talk. And I am caught in the middle only.

The Khan gentleman goes on talking talking and treasury benches goes on screaming and screaming. O bhagawantuda, I am standing on my legs. First, I am looking left, then I am looking right, then left, then right. I am saying, Arre, arre, please, please, take your seat please — but nobody is listening. Then I say in Hindi, baito, baito, then also nobody isbothering. Then I am saying, please please, no cross-talk, please. I am even saying, the Prime Minister is on his legs, please be seated. But then even nobody is bothering.

Later I am giving ruling disallowing motion, and there is another big big commotion, with the Opposition benches screaming that I am not being equidistant. O Bhagawantuda, you will not be believing me, but that night I had two-three Anacin, so much only was my headache.

Only in private am I saying this, but of everybody I am most fearing the women in the august House. First day only, Mayawatiji she is shouting at me. Then Sushmaji and Umaji went on screaming, like that only. Then I am seeing Mamataji on her legs. Madam, madam, I am saying, aisa nahin hain. This is not good, I am saying. But she is going on shouting. This much I am saying, that lady has strong lungs.

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Naidugaru when he came to Delhi I was telling him straight. Ekkada irikkinchavu babu, where have you landed me? He is only smiling. Patting me on the back,he is saying that I am doing a good job. One tip he is giving me though — get a Mount Blanc pen for coat pocket and everybody will be respecting you.

Tomorrow itself, I am going to do three things. First, I am getting that pen, then buying a tape on easy-to-learn Hindi. Finally, I am having long, long talk with Kesri Nath Tripathi, hon’ble speaker, Uttar Pradesh State Assembly, on how he is dodging flying paperweights in the House.