Give the lady a break. Every since Uma Bharati came to power in Madhya Pradesh and promptly proceeded to give the state a “government with a difference”, raucous cries have gone up that she is steadily dragging it back to the pre-Megalithic age. I find this offensive, besides being terribly unfair. I mean, can’t we let the poor lady be? Allow her the space to translate her honourable intentions into reality? Consider her shining record so far. Her government has already, on a priority basis, decided to provide shelter for the dying. Which other government has had the vision to do this? All dying cattle are to be provided with pleasing accommodation, so that their last days are spent in comfort. Besides this, every cluster of 10-12 villages will have its own committed gaushala so that no quadruped would have to walk from more than one kilometre to reach it. Besides, instructions have gone out that every young one is to be sent to a gaushala — that is, every calf, regardless of its gender and social standing — is to have a guaranteed eight years of gaushala-ing. Orphanages for abandoned infants and adolescents are to be set up immediately and every young one provided with mid-day meals. These meals will be made more nutritious with added bran and fresh grass to ensure that the state’s youth get a balanced diet, as well as the necessary proteins and vitamins to grow up to be strong cows, bulls and buffaloes. A vaccination programme and special health check-ups will be ensured through the state’s animal husbandry department through mobile veterinary units that will visit every living mammal endowed with a four-chambered stomach on a regular basis. To assist senior veterinarians on these mobile units will be an army of para-veterinary staff — or gau sevaks — who will regularly check these animals to ensure that they are free of worm infestations and the HIV/AIDS virus. Blood samples will be collected from 50,000 cattle at a time and examined in special labs. Besides mobile units, the state has decided to set up primary healthcare centres for every 100,000 cattle under a special Health for All project. Care will be taken to ensure that each animal lives in hygienic conditions. The state’s babus have been urgently directed to ensure that the bodily excretions of these cattle, like dung and urine, be gathered in specially designed containers and used for their medicinal value. While this will bring in additional revenue it will also ensure congenial surroundings for our poor dumb friends. It has been brought to the chief minister’s attention that there is chronic water scarcity in some areas and consequently cattle are often in great distress. The MP government, therefore, has decided to ensure that every four-legged, four-stomached animal will be provided with two buckets of water on a per capita basis through special tankers and every gaushala built within easy reach of a large water body. As Uma Bharati pointed out herself, the inspiration behind this plan in Holland. She will now try and provide European-level standards for the cattle in her state. As a special treat, instructions have been issued to provide city delights to them. For a start, four towns have been cleansed of all meat/fish eating, and meat/fish selling activity. Cattle, however, will be allowed to walk freely along the roads of these towns. There are also plans for the development of special holiday resorts with grassy hillsides for recreational purposes. This is not, let me repeat, NOT a load of methane. Given the chief minister’s dynamism, I will not be surprised if MP goes head to top the next Bovine Development Report, after achieving cent per cent ratings in such indices as life expectancy at birth, enrolment ratios in gaushalas, increased GDP per cattle head, births attended by skilled health personnel, calf mortality, and the like. Therefore, instead of berating poor Uma Bharati, as is the wont of idle political observers, this column proudly salutes her.
