TV is… never having to say I’m sorry

For at least one day it could have been rechristened the Boo-Boo Corporation. No, there may never be a second coming of Christ and Bhairon Singh Shekhawat...

For at least one day it could have been rechristened the Boo-Boo Corporation. No, there may never be a second coming of Christ and Bhairon Singh Shekhawat may never become president of India, but the BBC can make mistakes. And a right royal mess it was, too, beggin’ Her Majesty’s pardon.

You have to admire the British. Whatever they do, they do in style. It’s not enough that David Beckham must go West for fortune and fame, he must go to the home of Hollywood and count amongst his closest neighbours Tom Cruise — and have his arrival at his new club, Galaxy, televised live on CNN International where the anchor of the moment asked the reporter at the venue, “Well, he does know how to play football, doesn’t he?”!! (Why, even the least self-respecting Indian broadcaster knows that when David takes a free kick in soccer, he can Bend it like Beckham).

So when BBC, that prince of media companies, chooses to make an error of judgment it is at no less a personage’s expense than the Queen of England’s. Hence, it came to pass that BBC One showed the media video footage of Elizabeth II walking, nay flouncing, out of a portrait shoot with American photographer Annie Leibovitz. Imagine! Parts of the video have since been broadcast worldwide and just as our jaws dropped at the Queen’s less majesty (sic), BBC hastily bent (not like Beckham) sufficiently to issue a regal apology: the footage was not what it seemed, apologies for any offence, Queen… Lesson One: never rush forward with ‘facts’ or ‘footage’ without verification.

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A few months ago, Channel 4 was given a similar opportunity to practise saying sorry. It was brought to its knees by a majestic Shilpa Shetty who, although the target of what sounded like racial insults, behaved with saintly other-cheek graciousness. Channel 4 apologised for Jade Goody’s colour blindness. Lesson Two: never do everything or anything for ratings.

Earlier, it had been the turn of a media mogul to genuflect. Rupert Murdoch is not American — even if he does succeed in buying The Wall Street Journal, that’s one thing he will never be. Had he been one, he’d have realised that the one thing you never do is pay O.J. Simpson to write a book on how he would have murdered his wife, if he ever had murdered her and then pay him handsomely to appear on Fox News to describe what he would have done if he had done what he said he didn’t do — murder his wife. The public outrage reached such outrageous proportions that Murdoch had to cancel the interview, the book’s launch and offer an apology. Lesson: never insult the viewers’ intelligence.

Now (the punchline at long last!): when was the last time you heard an Indian news channel apologise? Let’s rephrase that: did you ever hear an apology from a news channel? Umm… Got one: “Sorry, we seem to have lost the link to so-and-so at so-and-so spot”. Otherwise, our news channels regret no omissions or commissions. Which can mean one of two things: our news channels do not make mistakes, ever; our news channels believe it is their right to make mistakes. If we want to be really nasty (no, no, never!) we would offer a third explanation: news channels in India make so many mistakes that were they to offer apologies, there would be little room for the news they make mistakes about.

Before we apologise for taking up more of your time, let’s tell you briefly about Ugly Betty (Star World). This is Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahin, American-eshtyle. Jassi and Betty are almost identical but what is refreshing about the latter is that Betty is shown to be outlandishly ugly and reveling in poor taste. She’s frumpy, plump and smart. And she’s not sorry fo r it.

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