Baby,don’t cry

At an editorial meeting,the conversation veered around to breaking down at the workplace. The argument was that since we spend most of our waking life at office,we should also be able to emote freely. So if there is a problem at home,you should be allowed to bring it to work. Or,if you are feeling overwhelmed for no apparent reason,you must thrash it out with your colleagues till the waterworks are turned on. I abruptly ended the conversation when it reached the point when chick flicks and tubs of ice cream were being touted as an HR must.

The truth is you will be judged if you weep. It will impact your increment if you have chosen to rage and rail,and dissolve into tears every time something doesn’t go your way. You will win yourself the tag of a whining-so-and-so,which will be hard to get rid of. A friend of mine who manages personnel told me this story when I was ranting about hyper-emotionalism. A young girl sat across him going through tissues at a rapid rate,as she griped about the lack of equal opportunities. After she blubbered for a straight hour,he very succinctly told her: This is why. And showed her the door.

It is never okay to cry at work. Never. It is called work,because it is the place you are meant to be a professional. Write it down. It’s that simple. If you must wear your heart on your sleeve,keep it covered up at all times. Feel an overwhelming urge to break down? Rush to the bathroom and cry. But even here there are rules. Do it silently. If you can be heard,it’s the same thing as having a public meltdown. And,for God’s sake,repair your face so that you don’t wear tell-tale signs of your amateur hour.

But if there is a code of conduct for the working girl,there is a similar etiquette to be adhered to as a boss. Keep tissues handy at all times. More for your sake than theirs. You don’t want them wiping their snot-covered hands all over your chair and desk after they have finished blubbering. It’s just not hygienic. Be sympathetic. Trust me it’s better to kill with kindness than go for logic. You nip the problem in the bud. Don’t believe me? Try arguing with a hysterical woman and watch it escalate into an epic battle. Hug your staff. It doesn’t have to be out of love. It just squeezes the breath out of them and physically manages to stop a crying jag.

But,as a female boss,one has to be particularly sensitive to a girl in grief lest you are accused of persecuting your own sex. So,while you have to apply all three rules,it is important to add the personal touch. And I have to admit mine has all the undertones of a masterful tactic. It is caring,aesthetic and work-related. When eyes well up,I whip out cleansing wipes because it is really hard not to laugh when a pretty girl develops raccoon eyes as she weeps through her waterproof mascara. With this simple gesture,I manage to convince her that I care about her,but only I know I am just protecting my job.

tothemannerborn@expressindia.com