Cooking Duh Books

“Yes! He was AWOL at mealtimes — and growing weed in the garden!”

“Oh! But what are you going to do?”

“I’ve got someone for the dal-sabzi…but…”

But dal-sabzi was not food…and I was clueless in the kitchen.

Deep breath! Well if the doofus could “cook” (two-and-a half-dishes albeit),it couldn’t be so difficult. After all I had developed photographic films in the bathroom and they required strict adherence to time and temperature,so how different could cooking be? Also there was a wealth of cookbooks and hand-written notes in the house left by my mother.

Right,so we’d tackle this bite by bite. To start — something quick and easy. Chinese stir-fry,naturally. Chop-a-chop boneless chicken breasts into bite-size pieces,marinade (according to the recipe),then chop-a-chop veggies (carrots,zucchini,tori,capsicum,broccoli) roughly the same size,parboil and keep ready. Prepare the sauce — usually much like the marinade but with stock added and keep on standby. A little oil in the wok,a spoonful of ginger-garlic paste — stand back as it sputters and then in with the chicken. Whisk around for time indicated (unbelievably short),remove from the wok then in with the veggies,in the order suggested. Then back goes the chicken and the sauce. Wait till the concoction bubbles and thickens and you’re done! With rice or noodles you’ve a complete meal. By the way,cut the chicken into pieces when it’s still semi-frozen and “crunchy” rather than when it’s completely thawed and squishy.

Of course,there were issues: weights and measures,for instance; teaspoons,tablespoons,dessert spoons and serving spoons. Is it three teaspoons to a tablespoon or two? (Ah,but now I’ve found a set of marked measuring spoons) American measures vs English. The names of spices in Hindi and English and what they looked and smelt like. Also,I had no mental picture of how much a certain quantity was: one glorious (Parsi) recipe for a roast chicken suggested 6 oz. of butter — that’s almost two of those 100 gm flat-packs! (Of course,it tasted wonderful,but you can do as well with 50 gms.) Most recipes suggested “salt to taste” without giving even a ballpark figure (1/2 teaspoon is what I start with,you can always add more). Also if you’re cooking less than the recommended amount,quantities can get ridiculous if you’re too literal with conversions.

Beware of the bindaas concept of “andaaza” — estimation based on experience. Hotshot cooks will blithely add a pinch of this and a smattering of that and cook on merrily. Don’t do it. Unless you’ve had at least 1,000 hours of experience with that recipe. Cooks on TV,especially western ones,have peculiar ideas about quantities: “Add just a teeny-weeny pat of butter…” they’ll gush,plonking a hunk of butter as big as the Rock of Gibraltar into the pan,or “just a drizzle of olive oil” and there goes two-thirds of a one litre bottle. At least in Indian cooking the oil gracefully separates from what it’s cooked in when it’s done.

Then I stumbled upon a book of Spanish and Mexican recipes and my eyes gleamed. In many of them all you had to do was to dump all the ingredients into your pot or casserole,put it on a low flame,and go and watch TV for 45 minutes. If you’d put in stock,wine or sherry,butter and maybe bacon and olives,you could do no wrong. Perfect for starters.

But yes,there’s a very long way to go. Deft motor skills still have to be developed and the pressure-cooker still has to be conquered. I write copious notes every time I make something and have realised,as someone said,“good cooks will make good generals”. You do need to have your ingredients all lined up in order of use before you start,and get a book-holder for your recipe book; otherwise it will slyly flip its pages when you’re at the hob and give you a heart attack when you need to refer to it. Also,all recipes should be written in numbered point form.

One thing is certain: you can never be bored (especially if you don’t have to clean up the kitchen afterwards). Out there,like the stars,there are billions and billions of recipes waiting to be tried out. Yum!