Don’t Mess With Us

So what do we do to protect ourselves? Accept this Talibanisation and voluntarily lock ourselves up — as the authorities are urging us to do. After all,what right does ‘Missy’ have to try and compete with her superiors? The thing is,we are no longer competing. The battle of the sexes was won by us years ago. But now it’s time to rub our victory in their faces. All we need to do is form our own mob — but since we are smart,let’s call it “banding together”. Our strategy to kick butt has to be this: women need to stop being their own worst enemy. Which means we need to start at the top of the pyramid. With the matriarch. Take a look at the practice of changing a woman’s first name post marriage. An ancient custom which is still followed because a husband’s family believes a woman’s life really begins once she gets married. Who is the biggest fan of this custom? The mother-in-law. A woman who was once forced into accepting the same identity crisis. While I am not anti-marriage,I balk at this subjugation and that too by another woman. It seems rather like being stabbed in the back by one of your own.

What about the other classic: a young wife very proudly telling her friends my husband “lets” me work/play/reproduce. Lets? Lets? Does he ask for your ­permission when he stays late at work or takes an outstation posting? I think not. Deference must be banned on all ­accounts. If aggression is getting us into trouble,we need to fight it by baring our teeth.

But we need to sow the seeds of change in a more permanent way. By changing men inherently. While the current crop is a lost cause,the future generation cannot be let off so easily. A few years ago,I asked a dear friend what she would like her sons to be when they grow up. In her answer,I found our solution. “Feminists,” she asserted. “My boys will respect women and put them first. That’s all I want to teach them.” Closer home,my fabulous elder sister is doing her bit to ring in change. My nephew is a boy’s boy. An energiser bunny. But his time is divided equally between football sessions and piano classes. And while he wins awards for tennis,he can also make a mean omelette. If there was one thing my sister would choose for him,it would be to keep her carpets clean. And yes,they are. Pristine white. Plus,he picks up behind himself. Tomorrow holds the promise of a better man. As long as we catch him young and train him right.

tothemannerborn@expressindia.com