Happily never after

Bollywood is yet to go beyond the glam wedding and come up with a real marriage story

For all those interested,I have news. Two hundred and fifty crore is the new marriage mantra. That figure,toplined in the breathless prose surrounding the recent wedding of a politicians son,has taken over the details that have been tumbling out since: the endless toiling of artisans from all over the country to turn a Delhi farmhouse into the site of a fairytale shaadi,the thousands of rupees that were given as shagun to all the baraatis,and,yes,the copter that the bride was dowered with. Why should only Karan Johar have all the fun?

Im not saying that KJos got involved in forging matrimonial alliances. But given that his movies have been all about not just loving our families,but living up our weddings and splashy attendant rituals,a helicopter sounds like just the right thing to make it an aspiring-to-Page Three brides fathers to-do-list,even if that poor whirlybird gets to sit out its life somewhere far away from the marital home: we are not about to construct a helipad,declared the grooms father self-righteously. Were entranced by this Great Fat Indian Wedding,which has bid fair to become the Fattest,till another comes along to tumble it from its Rs 250 crore perch. Weve given our aashirwaad to the bride and the groom,whove had filmstars dance for a fee as they are getting their pheras out of the way.

Go away,all you naysayers,all you party-poopers,with your misplaced views about waste and want,and criminal extravagance.Whats an itty-bitty chopper between families looking to cement ties?

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Its all of a piece with our ongoing love for all things that lead up to weddings. Good girls need to get married: ergo,Bollywood needs a good wedding to show. Sooraj Barjatya tapped into our incessant craving and cleverly excised all hints of a plot from his magna mandap milaap,and instantly,we became Who Are We Of His. It wasnt as if Barjatya discovered the great Indian wedding (or rather,the great North Indian Hindu Strictly-Non-Onion-Non-Garlic wedding); he just resurrected and polished and buffed it up. This was followed up by Aditya Chopra decorating a doli,and Karan Johar getting A-listers to rattle armloads of bangles,channelling Yash Chopras nau nau chooris. That was it. Bollywood hasnt still recovered: everytime someone comes up with a breakthrough marriage-less movie,along comes another shaadi-byaah film that shows we havent moved an inch.

A film like Tanu Weds Manu doesnt even pretend to be anything else. A seedha-saadha doctor from London falls for a tedhi-medhi girl from Kanpur. She says no,no. He says yes,yes. We wait for her to come around. Oh yes,thats what she has to do; the rebelliousness is strictly cosmetic. The penultimate scene where two baraats arrive and a gun is waved is a faux conflict: we know nothing is going to stop Tanu wedding Manu. This leads me to think what would Tanu and Manu be up to,say,a couple years into the marriage? Would the time spent picking up wet socks and cooking dal-chawal have made them a more,shall we say,interesting couple? Would the spirited Tanu tire of her straight-and-narrow Manu?

We never get to know,because the film ends with the duo dancing out hand-in-hand in their wedding finery. Bollywood is not about to give us what happens after: how can a warring couple break into a bump-and-grind? Movies that deal with the misery marriage can cause are hard to market. Something like the sensitively realised Anubhav,which had Sanjeev Kumar and Tanuja learning to live with each other,was termed ahead of its time in 1971. It would never get greenlit today. Even top stars cant save such a film. You show a Shah Rukh Khan and Preity Zinta at loggerheads,even in a glossy KJo flick (Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna),and you drive the crowds away. SRK and Rani had better box-office luck with their tale of marital discord in Chalte Chalte,but that was a brave one-off.

And falling out of love? For no good reason?

Unthinkable. One of the best Hollywood films Ive seen recently is Blue Valentine. It has Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams (she was up for a Best Actress Oscar) play a couple in a disintegrating marriage. He sees her slipping away,and is desperate to hold on. Shes the one who finds it tough,despite a little daughter they are both devoted to. Its not like hes cheating on her. Its not like he beats her. Its nothing,and everything. That film reveals us in all our warts to the one we used to love the most. And no longer do. Would Bollywood ever dare go down that route?

Not here. Not now.

shubhra.gupta@expressindia.com