Mind Your Email

I also very quickly figured out that the best way to ­receive mail was to write to everyone. I think I must have shot off at least three letters a week — to cousins,aunts,friends and even a very strange Danish boy who was “given” to me by school as my official pen pal. He looked a bit like MAD magazine’s Alfred E Neuman,his English was suspect,and yet I loved his big looping writing on yellow foolscap sheets. It didn’t matter that he never made sense as long as the gibberish came in the form of a letter. And that’s all I wanted. ­Communication. News from other worlds. ­Information. I even grew fond of our postman because he jumped in terror every time our Alsatian attacked him. She would lie in wait behind the gate and pounce when he turned the corner. It was predictable,sure. But as far as I was concerned,the game never grew old.

When the www came along,I bought into it ASAP. Largely for electronic mail. Letters without the waiting seemed like manna from heaven and I think I was one of the first people to sign up. While the internet revolution was changing the way we view everything,what was wonderful is how email revolutionised the way we work. Interaction became easier and clearer. And detailing everything while copying everyone became the norm and allowed the corporate policy of CYA (cover your ass) to flourish. I must admit I am the queen of email too but that’s because I tend to forget things and putting them down is just a simple way of recording everything. It is also a useful tool if your profession demands constant ­encounters with brainless fools and perpetual liars. By simply hitting send,you can show verification.

And yet,as the internet/electronic communication has started to replace snail mail,a terrifying deficiency has started to manifest. A cavalier,casual,clumsy approach to contact. Considering that emails can now be used in a court of law,within a certain framework,this carelessness is ­terrifying. It doesn’t matter how you use it in your personal space but email etiquette in the workspace is sacrosanct.

Here is a quick guide on non-negotiable no-nos. Starting an email with “hey”,“hello”,“hi” or my personal favourite “hiya” and then writing a person’s name next to it does not replace the more popular and preferred “Dear Ms Kalra”. Using casual language or slang,adopting smileys or emoticons to ask for an extension and adding several exclamation marks to convey urgency is not kosher. Using a floral wallpaper ­setting will not make your email stand out. It will just ­convince me to hit the delete button before I reach the second line of your mail. And signing off with “xoxo” is just absurd. I don’t need love and affection from someone I share a ­professional relationship with. And yes,the Reply All button exists for a reason. The information is meant to be shared,not hoarded. If you want to tell a secret,phone a friend. Don’t send me an email. Your message might be reaching me faster in this century,but there is no need to send it to me in haste. You end up making careless mistakes. Plus,you put on record the fact that you are an ass. Also,never ever add the words “gentle reminder” or “humble ­request” — it is neither and everyone knows that. If you want to be rude,take your gloves off and have a big old knock down. But don’t use official interaction to show your crassness.

The one rule to always keep in mind is to take your time to reply. The biggest errors happen when someone hits the “reply” or “send” button without considering their words. Snail mail gave us these advantages and we need to reclaim them for email. Equally allow others time to reply to your missive. Don’t you deserve a well thought out reply?

I certainly think so.

tothemannerborn@expressindia.com