I am curious about cheese being served at house parties as hors doeuvres. Really curious. I have always loved cheese. Kraft cheese slices are a particularly comforting childhood memory,one that helped me through many soggy-toast-and-scrambled-egg mornings in boarding school. Home meant cheese. This was before I knew about processed cheese and became a fromage snob,thanks to the many hours spent studying cheese as part of my curriculum. But its always been about cheese. That which came in little cubes with clinging silver foil or in tins,impatiently hammered open because can openers were too tiresome. Cheese that was served on Monaco biscuits with a blob of ketchup on them and cheese cubes that were passed around after being impaled with canned pineapples and cherries. A childhood spent in Kathmandu had me accustomed to the stringy yak cheese on pizzas. The fact that it is considered gourmet amuses me. It also made me an experimenter. Yes,I may as well admit it. I can eat stinky,fungal infested,drippy,sloppy cheese without accompaniment. And quite enjoy it,as you crinkle up your nose. I was always going to grow up to be this kind of cheese eater. Now that thats out of the way,lets talk about cheese and the house party. Lately,I have noticed a new favourite turning up at party tables along with the pita bread and hummus,another favoured domestic hors doeuvre the cheese board is becoming a party staple. For one,its convenient pick up a few cheese varieties,split open a packet of crackers,throw in some grapes and there you have it the cheese board. And its not pricey either. You dont need to go Le Marcheing for this. There are,I might add,excellent domestic substitutes Flanders,for one,often gets it right,and at half the price. I am all about the taste and not the provenance,and so are most cheese lovers,but what is imperative is balance. And that is usually amiss. Putting together a cheese board takes a little contemplation not a lot,but some. Its a turophiles delight and whilst most people wouldnt notice or even care,for those of us who do,its an indulgence. In the interest of brevity,I will resist doing a John Cleese (Monty Python) and wax eloquent about all the varieties of cheese in the world,although I might add,wax does tempt me to speak of the delicious Gouda. But I shall resist. In fact,I shall do one better and remove my distracted self from this piece and consult The Chef. I ask The Chef about cheese boards,whats the thing to remember when you are putting one together? To buy the cheese,he replies laconically. He isnt taking me seriously. The world doesnt take turophiles seriously. No,really Chef,I insist,cheese boards? Alright,he says with some seriousness,lets start with the wood. I nod along. Now wood is beautiful. The Chef is a bit of a carpenter in his downtime,a guy who likes to roll up his sleeves and saw. I indulge him. Wood, he continues,has all sorts of grainy features. Wood is a natural product (pause) it is beautiful (pause). If you show wood love (pause),it will show you love back. And then I get it,we arent really talking about cheese boards! Chef,I insist,I have very little column space,I really must talk about the perfect cheese board. Alright, he says,Cheese it is. We really dont need to have 30 different varieties of cheese the thumb rule is soft,semi-soft and hard. I get up to leave. What? Chef calls after me,I was talking about cheese! I will have to wing this one on my own,so here it is. A minimum of three cheeses works well for a cheese board,and diversity in texture,style and flavour make an interesting impact. I would be careful going with blue cheese; delicious as it is,it can tend to have a definitive aroma,which might be overwhelming for guests of delicate olfactory disposition. The biggest problem is the one of temperature; with ambient temperatures being high,cheese is usually refrigerated,which means the temperatures must be brought up before being served. To be enjoyed,cheese must be served in its natural,rather than refrigerated,state. For example,the Brie should be runny when you slice into it. While crackers are convenient,they are not necessarily the gold standard. Breads,for example, are fantastic with cheese a nice crusty French baguette works well with soft cheese but even better with cheese that has a slightly salty or sharp taste. Alternatively,hard cheeses work well on crackers. Grapes are great; being fairly neutral,they balance the flavours well,but whats even better is wine. As for what cheese should make it to your cheese board I could make a list for you,but then its really about your tastes and what you like. Dont let anyone tell you how to move your cheese. Advaita Kala is an author and has worked in restaurants and kitchens in India and abroad
