He is in his mid-seventies,she a few years younger. They married young and spent five decades of their lives together,raising children and building assets. Now,instead of walking off into the sunset holding hands,they are fighting a vicious battle in divorce courts. As traditional family systems disintegrate,values change and the taboo around divorce wears off,lawyers and experts in Indian cities note a rising trend of divorces among the elderly those in their sixties,seventies,even eighties. It is a kind of reverse percolation, says Srikumar Boodgur,a leading Bangalore lawyer who specialises in divorce matters. The older clients tell me they see the young living freely,and want to capture that youth. So,lifelong marital devotion is passé,and the adhesive effect of the Indian arranged marriage is wearing off. Boodgur and several other city lawyers say the trend is just a few years old. Divorce in India is still less common than in the west but,clearly,it is no longer the domain of the young and the fertile. For the first time,anecdotal evidence suggests a sharp jump in geriatric divorces. Older Indians across urban centres are going the same way as the younger generation,and age-old family patterns are being re-arranged. The age distinction in the divorce courts is perhaps just a generation away from vanishing, says Dr Radha Murthy,whose Bangalore-based Nightingale Trust pioneers care for the elderly and runs a helpline for the aged. The septuagenarian who is Boodgurs client says he and his arranged marriage wife did not have much in common and drifted apart. The rapid changes in India recently gave the couple the courage to split. And as happens in typical geriatric divorces,the decision has polarised the couples three children,all well-settled and in their forties. More women are working,getting financially independent,and changing age-old patterns,says senior advocate Pramila Nesargi of the rising geriatric trend. About 30 per cent of Nesargis flourishing divorce practice consists of those cases where both spouses are above 50. She says,The earlier stigma of divorce is no longer there,older people feel that divorce is their right,too. Sociologist G K Karanth,of the Bangalore-based Institute for Social and Economic Change,describes the trend as controlled sneezing. Social compulsions and familial obligations may have held in check their initial impulse to part but now they are simply letting go,he says. After typically marrying young,having children,buying a home and building savings,older couples suddenly realise they no longer have the need to stay together. They feel they have spent the best part of their lives and youth for the betterment of the family,and think now or never, he says. In a changing India,divorce itself is about as scandalous today as a young girl cropping her hair three decades ago,Karanth says. He describes geriatric divorces as an urban,affluent society phenomenon still. That older aunt or elderly relative who bemoaned the breakdown of Indian families and the influence of the west could be adding to the divorce statistics. Both men and women are initiating divorce in equal numbers,say the lawyers. Geriatric divorces are a new demographic among the divorced in India,agrees Mumbai-based Vandana Shah who edits Indias only divorce magazine,Ex Files. Shah reels off names of the soon-to-be-divorced amongst Mumbais old,rich and powerful. India is westernising and globalising and becoming more open,says Shah. There is less pressure to keep up appearances, she says. Boodgurs client in Bangalore,the seventy-plus,well-off gentleman,has been told that he is years away from being legally divorced but is already thinking single. The prospect of a long-drawn legal process has not deterred the gentleman from registering himself on SecondShaadi.com,a website that targets those who have lost their spouse to death or divorce. He even bragged to Boodgur about the number of online responses he received in his quest for a companion. In yet another indication that divorce at an older age is not taboo,the ranks of those looking for a partner at sixty-plus is significant. New Delhi-based Vivek Pahwa of SecondShaadi.com says that 15 per cent of registered users on his website are 60 years or older. The changing dynamic in the Indian family is tellingly illustrated by geriatric divorces. Karanth,the sociologist,says it is the onset of late modernity. It is all about the pursuit of individual happiness. whatever the age,each of us wants to have our own secret password to our separate lives.
