The Big 3-Oh

Then,of course,there is Bollywood — where,once upon a time,being over 30 meant one’s career was as good as over. Not the case in Hollywood,clearly. (And certainly not the case in present-day Bollywood,with many 30-plus actresses going great guns.) That doesn’t take away from the reality that most 40-plus actors only want to romance 20-something women on screen. One can’t argue with that. Because one sees a lot of that in real life too.

Reel life is often just a reflection of real life. If every 40-plus man fancies a 20-something hot girl,and every 30-plus guy also wants a 20-something girl,and every 20-something guy also wants a 20-something girl,it’s not a surprise then that every single girl in the city moans,“Where are the men?”

Don’t ask me how many times,over post-sunset and sometimes afternoon drinks,I’ve heard my friends,cousins,acquaintances and colleagues complain about the dearth of “nice men”. Nice men. An interesting combination of words. I don’t know any girl who genuinely wants a nice guy. Thirty or not,they all want the bad boys.

Try hooking up your single friend with a supposedly “nice” guy and see what happens. Ninety-nine times out of 100 he’s not likely to stand a chance. But jokes apart,with women changing so fast,and doing their independent thing,men are finding it hard to keep pace. Women continue to juggle many hats,and continue to fight the tradition-versus-modernity dichotomy. From the cacophony of voices telling them that they should be this,do that,wear this,marry X,produce Y,they somehow try to find themselves.

Then,there is the pendulum of the biological clock. Thirty,and no child? Only God can help you! The race against biological clocks is not one that can be won easily. Ask the thousands of girls who’ve given in to the pressure — be it external or internal. Sometimes,I wonder if motherhood is all that it’s made out to be. Should motherhood not be a choice that women make? Why should it be this ideal that we’re all supposed to want?

And then there’s the making-it-by-30 pressure. Like,you’re not a genius if you haven’t made it by 30. What happened to taking your time to admire the flowers and savour the coffee? We sometimes lose our youth in the rat race to succeed,because we’re all so busy “making it.” But that’s the reality of our lives. Thirty is the benchmark for success on all fronts. Know your wines,buy that LV bag,the racy car,the new apartment and take home that big fat pay cheque. Anything less,and you feel you’re not successful enough.

When our parents were 30,life was certainly different. It was just about making ends meet. Cars were to be bought post-35. Houses,closer to retirement. And all-pervasive consumerism was not a thing of deification. Life was about taking those family picnics,waiting for your birthday for the next pair of jeans,and going to libraries to borrow books.

Being 30 today means what it has never meant before. Success comes early now. And with it,a sense of “What more is there?” And that leads sometimes to some sort of introspection. Is my life headed where I wanted it to go? Have I done what I wanted to do? Have I achieved what I wanted to? Am I only what I do? Or who exactly do I love? What is my identity? Am I still young?

This process of examining one’s life at 30 can be productive,fun and sometimes even lead to radical changes. Change your job,break your engagement,tie the knot,start that business. Learn that dance,go bungee-jumping,go skinny-dipping,pierce that navel,cut your hair,break the mirror,buy a new one.

Go for that holiday,sell that car,buy yourself a diamond,get drunk with the girls,plan that school reunion,buy your mum a sari,have that fling,buy the red stilettos,quit smoking,bake that cake,set up that bakery,talk to your plants,learn to fly a plane.

Thirty,I don’t think,was a benchmark age for our mothers. But I’m sure it’ll remain a benchmark age for the generations that follow. Thirty now means liberation,independence,freedom. The ability to say no…

There never was a better time to be in one’s 30s. The 30-something woman is self assured,financially stable and has the world at her feet. We have emerged from the confusing haze of the 20s and have a clearer sense of self-identity. We have left behind the cobwebs of other people’s expectations that were pinning us down.

The days of living out borrowed dreams are gone. I think we’re finally learning to breathe a little for ourselves. And it’s a great start!

The new India has a new 30s woman. She’s fun,she’s young,she’s wise,she’s warm,she’s sexy,she’s sassy. She has broken the glass ceiling,or is breaking it. She’s funny,she’s vulnerable,she can beat any man hollow at anything under the sun. She loves herself,and she loves life. India is changing,and today’s independent 30-something woman is here to live life fully. On her own terms.