NEW DELHI, MAY 6: It was like any other night for Kapil and Romi Dev. The couple were just settling down after having returned late from a party, when the shrill sound of the phone broke the silence of the night. The clock was showing past midnight and the caller was a friend, a friend in distress. ``Switch on the TV and watch CNN and hear what Bindra has to say,'' the voice on the other end said. The panic and urgency in the voice spelt trouble and Kapil pushed the TV button and within seconds was to hear the former president of the Board of Control for Cricket in India, Mr Inderjit Singh Bindra, take his name and say, ``Prabhakar told me that Kapil is the player who had offered him Rs 24 lakh to underplay himself.''The import of the words sunk in with lightning speed. The carefully-crafted world of high platitudes at the core of which was the recurring motif ``watan ke liye kuch bhi karenge (for the sake of the nation I will do anything)'', which Indian cricket's most popular figure had built around him, was coming crashing down. His mind went into a tailspin. Was he experiencing a heart-attack?``I felt it was the end of the world. I haven't experienced a heart-attack but now I know what it must be like,'' he was to tell his wife later in the morning. For Kapil Dev, who ignored the danger signals emanating from The Outlook magazine story where he was accused of having ``taken Rs one crore in cash and Rs 25 lakh in cheque from a bookie, for services rendered for 1994-95 series in New Zealand'' chosing not to react.But this was a fatal blow. A high-ranking Board official conveying to the world what Prabhakar has never had the `courage' to say in the open. He still does not have, neither confirming nor denying what Bindra has said. But for Kapil, the damage has been done. In one single sentence the cricketing world of which he was the central figure for having displayed his immense all-round skills with a gambler's bravado, had been torn apart.``The last two nights have been hell. The pressure unbearable, even more than what I have faced in the 100 Test matches I have played,'' he says and adds:``In logo ney to mera adha ghar jala deya, ab ladney ke alawa kya bacha hey (they have almost burnt my house, what is left now but to fight).'' One does not have the courage to ask him the obvious, some may say under the circumstances the most banal question: Is he guilty?The pain and anguish, so visible on his face, turns to anger and his eyes blood shot for want of sleep, flash fire. ``Look, I have done many things in my life which may not be exactly a role model for everyone to follow, but to accuse me of this. I still can't believe that this could have happened to me,'' he thunders, but cools down immediately.``When Outlook did the story, I was upset but I ignored it. I don't like to spend my mind's energy on negative things. But things have changed now. I feel betrayed. I have no choice but to retaliate. I thought I was the one on whom lay the responsibility for presenting a clean image of Indian cricket to the world, especially after I was appointed coach of the team. But the whole thing has turned upside down and been deflected towards me. It does not make sense to me, what do I make of this?'' Kapil's mood swings from one extreme to the other: Pain, anguish and aggression.He does not want to delve into the core of the real issue as ``It is now my lawyer who will do the talking. I did not want to rake up these issues but since they are now engulfing me, I will make an effort to uncover the masks which are destabilising Indian cricket.''What about his immediate plans? Will he continue to be the coach of the team? Shouldn't he be quitting till his name gets cleared? ``I don't want to leave the team in midstream. Let me attend the camp for the Dhaka Asia Cup and talk to the boys. I don't think we should be playing at Dhaka but if we do, I will be there with the boys, but after that I am not sure.''The future appears very uncertain for India's living legend, who today finds himself in the unenviable position of having to prove to the world that he is innocent. In today's cricket world, where a man may not trust even his own shadow, the burden of even a mere allegation may become too heavy a burden to bear.
