Opinion Serial bride

The wedding is a big-budget reality show: gauche,real,uncomfortable.

April 4, 2011 12:41 AM IST First published on: Apr 4, 2011 at 12:41 AM IST

The wedding costs Rs 3 crore. And you,dear reader,ask who got married! How often have wise elders told you that in India we dont marry people,we marry families. And so,on NDTV Imagines reality show Shadi 3 Crore Ki,a show which upgraded a sadharan Rs 8 lakh wedding between two middle-class Punjabi families to an eight-figure spendfest,no bridezilla ran her sharp Prada heels over the wedding planners floral arrangements nor made the catering staff quiver in fear because the wine glasses had water spots. Instead,portly uncles and plump aunties sat squashed on aubergine-coloured sofas,sulking over shopping budgets (Rs 50,000? Usse kya hoga?),the youngsters of the family (no,silly,not the girls) tittered as they planned for an item in a bachelor party,and excitable anchors loudly gloated over the money being spent.

Bollywood used to do it differently,of course. In that never,never land,where beautiful people lived in English county mansions and danced with enthusiasm on K Jos pink sets,the elaborate naap-tol of real weddings was kept out. Swarovski-encrusted lehngas appeared without discussions of money. Chachajis and dadijis didnt summon dark clouds of gloom if the brides family sent only a refrigerator as a gift; or glower in disapproval at the dulhas wedding ring and deem it too small. And caste? Rahul/ Raj/ Rohit never had any; it was so not cool. Reality TV weddings,in contrast,are more gauche,more real and more uncomfortable to watch.

It is true of Band Baajaa Bride (NDTV Good Times) as well,a makeover show that takes the auntyjis out of the picture and puts the bride in relative control. It seems to play on more modern anxieties what lehnga to wear or which variant of jewel facial to deploy in the battle against (shudder) a breakout of acne. But its itemised listing of What Needs to be Fixed Before D-Day slimness and fatness,dry hair and dull skin,buck teeth and lack of height can be unnerving. And,make no mistake,the family is still watching. While it might allow a bride from Bangalore to ditch her Mysore silk for a blue-and-pink crepe lehnga,it still has veto power on the level of exposure (You see,we are from a very conservative family).

What do these shows tell us about middle India,which is both the audience and inspiration for reality TV? The truth,universally acknowledged,is that marriage is foremost a social strategy,with not enough elbow room for romance or womens choice. Pragmatic Shruti Kakkar knew all about it in the movie Band Baajaa Baaraat,when she bargained with her parents that they let her work till she got married. The makeover show that plays on that movie name lays out a code of consumption and coolness. It teaches a bride in Raipur which markers of upward mobility to acquire,but is mindful about who decides what she wears. In the real world,a wedding can add up to Rs 3 crore or more. (One wonders,though,is there enough bang for the wedding buck? Why do Rs 250 crore galas and Rs 3 crore ones seem the same?) But the budget of a wedding,and its rituals,are weighed down by many more anxieties caste and honour,property and community,and that gift which must not be named.

Reality television in India is its own beast,not always on the side of the socially conservative whether it is the manufactured sleaze of Bigg Boss,or the frisson of excitement that Sach Ka Saamna triggered through the confessions of cheating husbands,and women who sleep around and tell. The genre works best as the agent provocateur,by taking all our cosy,comforting assumptions about ourselves,and running them through a shredder. In comparison,the recent crop of reality shows are decidedly coy,especially after we have watched Rakhi Sawant and Rahul Mahajan in the roles of Suitable Girl and Boy. Why not,then,a case for a reality show around the anti-bride? Or the anti-wedding? One that takes the smugness and the silence around our big,fat weddings and runs with it? One that actually gives some space to the two people at the heart of the crowd of relatives?

Or,perhaps,it is best to turn to Bollywood. Candyfloss it might be,but,at least,its bejewelled characters find time to fall in love. What good is a marriage without that?

amrita.dutta@expressindia.com