Modi in San Jose: So what can I do in front of the PM and 17,000 people today, asks comedian Rajiv Satyal

Oh, and above all else, I married a Gujarati woman.

She’s coming to watch this spectacle, as are my parents, who had such high hopes of me becoming a wafer fabrication engineer in the Silicon Valley after obtaining my B.S. in Materials Engineering from the University of Cincinnati. But that turned out to be B.S. after the 2000 dot-com bust. So, I worked for years at Procter & Gamble, otherwise known as P&G. Which could now refer to my marriage: Punjabi & Gujarati.

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So what can I do in front of Prime Minister Narendra Modi?

There’s a difference between comedy club-clean and Prime Minister-clean. I’m opening for the PM in front of 17,000 people. Which is to say that 17,000 people will be present, not that 17,000 people are going to open for the PM after I do. That would take a while. The kind of thing that can work in a comedy club is a long, drawn-out rant on a single topic — subtle, subversive, sarcastic. Not so Sunday. Pithy one-liners. Clever wordplay. Something like “he’s come from the Indus Valley to the Silicon Valley”. I’m proud of that one. Not wholly hilarious but interesting and unique. Jerry Seinfeld once said, “There’s no such thing as ‘fun for the whole family’.”

This Sunday, I’d like to challenge that notion.

Watch Video: I AM INDIA by Rajiv Satyal

I’ve done extensive research on Prime Minister Modi. I don’t have much to say about his policies, specifically, because I try to stay out of politics and play more in the comedy realm. I do admire the way he’s trying to change India from the outside with his grand speeches abroad. This, of course, is just one tack of his, but it’s an effective one. Indeed, our Global Marketing Officer at P&G did much the same during my tenure, though Jim Stengel may not have identified his position as having happened “during Rajiv’s tenure”. The point being that he spoke around the world about the great changes happening at P&G, which inspired us to make said changes. My parents employed the same strategy — tell everybody that Rajiv is a straight-A student. And I became one. They are continuing that strategy as they’re posting all over Facebook about what a wonderful job their son is going to do. Let’s hope it continues to work.

Normally, the bigger the gig, the sooner the nerves start. They haven’t yet kicked in for me, perhaps because the event is so large, that I cannot comprehend its magnitude. It’s kind of like wondering how deep the water is into which you’re about to dive. People always get so freaked out if it’s a thousand feet instead of a hundred. Let me tell you something: you can’t easily touch the bottom after more than 20 feet or so, anyway, so what’s the difference? If you can swim, just jump. And that’s how I feel about opening for the Prime Minister. Seventeen thousand people in the arena and millions watching online? Hey, after 1,000 people, it’s just large. If you can make ‘em laugh, just go.

One crazy thing that’s happened, meanwhile, is that a Gujarati newspaper interviewed and has now dubbed me a “Son-in-Law of Gujarat”. The reporters then went to the hometown of my wife’s family and took pictures of the outside and inside, finally juxtaposing a wedding photo of ours to the top left of the dwelling, as if it were a structural addition.

Many Americans might be put out by the invasion of privacy. Fortunately, in the motherland, there’s no such thing, even (especially?) in the rural areas, so it was quite an honour to be the talk of the town for a day. I’m thinking that since Modiji has given my wife’s family some welcome attention, perhaps he can mediate if we do encounter any rocky roads ahead. And if we wander into untoward topics during a spat, perhaps I can invoke Swachh Bharat Abhiyan and suggest we clean it up.

Rajiv Satyal is a comedian/ host based in Los Angeles.